Jeff and Bill...thanks so much. Yes...funny thing is...settlement could come rather quickly now.
In retrospect, Jeff, as you said, that's all that matters. The judge really didn't care one hoot about ALL THE CRAP that was written down.
He wanted numbers. He wants a custody arrangement.
Period. BM...yes...a settlement is exactly what we want. Trial would be financially devastating, hurtful to both of us and drag this out a lot longer and expose the two of us to more emotional misery.
Filing for full custody..made my road much rougher. It brought on relentless anger, vindictive behavior, grandstanding in public, a false police report, etc.
Know something? It forced her to be on her mettle. It fortified my position. But..it came at a price.
So...as this winds down, I look at my house....I wake up in the comfort of my bedroom and know that my time in it is waning...and I still wonder how this all happened. It amazes me. The changes that some women go thru...how two people who profess their love for each for eternity, end up 'hating each other' (I don't hate her). I am still baffled by the metamorphosis that seems to be a common pattern here on this website, or for that matter, everywhere: happy wife with beautiful children and beautiful loving home...changes...and morphs into exercising, botoxing, back to schooling angry sex machine.
LOL.
I still am guilty of going back and re-looking through my retrospectoscope. I wonder if I had done this or done that...if I had made more money....worked on my practice harder....or ML more frequently...if it would really have made a difference.
But I come back to the same answer: NO. I think this was doomed from the beginning..by selecting the person she was. Any complacency etc (which still needed work to get better tools for me)only brought her departure on more quickly. I truly believe..that...if I was making a million dollars a year, my STBXW would be feigning happiness but doing things she has already done. The only difference is that I probably would have never known about it.
Brief Summary of the end of my marriage
So...bombed May '06. "I love you but I want the romance back." W wants a separation. Found DB 7/06. EA OM1 was in progress. Discovered by finding a letter written to a dead friend asking "what do I do about John." PA with OM2 Nov.06, confessed by W in the darkness of our bedroom. Returned to the marriage briefly Dec. 06 telling me 'she just wants to come home'. Emotionally departs and angry March '07 says she wants a separation. Trying to save and DB thru '07. We see a priest. W refuses Retrouvaille, MC, etc. PA OM3 Aug. 07 discovered. W gives me two beautiful cards telling me how she apologizes, loves me and wants our marriage back. However, clandestine parking lot meetings with a 26 year old marshall arts instructor continue. W retains L Oct.07. Verbally confronted with OM3 Nov.07 and W defends him ("why couldn't another man love me?), has a breakdown and ends up on three meds. I file 12/07. W goes nuts on me when she reads full custody ("you'd better have a big bankroll; I will fight you to the grave"). W hesitant about divorce spring '08, regrets loss of my presence at Easter yet fails to do anything to save the marriage ("how can we rebuild bridges?"). 4/08 files false police report resulting in 2 orders of protection. Meeting with LG June '08 and my honesty with LG re: W's past behavior brings on uncontrolled rage after she tells her 'what a wonderful father and husband" I was. Financial appraisal comes out in my favor Spring '09. W files a 3rd time to have me thrown out of our house. W begins grandstanding in public. More orders of protection and judge orders CPS to investigate. Findings are unsupported. W's final motion to have me thrown out fails. Finally, settlement discussions begin.
I do not think...after this is done..that I will start a new thread in piecing.
Thanks to all of you for your support. I am so thankful I found this place..even if it kept me in denial for awhile. In retrospect, I should have filed in Dec.06 after OM2.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;