LOL, I thought for sure I would go yesterday because there is a sale at Ulta today that I want to go to... at least I'll get to go to the sale
My bursts of energy come and go - I can still chase after my little toddler - it's been just her and me since I've been off since Friday and H didn't want to take her at all.
Am thinking of telling H either he spends his two weeks paternity leave here at the house with his kids or he can get bent - it's up to him whether he wants to be Daddy or just the sperm donor, and his work is generous enough to give him time off to help me in MY recovery from a medical event. I am sick of him coming and going whenever he wants, and dumping all of the responsibility on me.
I found that when I really stood my ground about the $$ thing, I got what I needed. Of course, H is a bit pissy about that right now. Maybe that's part of the 180 for me - usually I end up giving H whatever he wants so that he's happy...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I think that is more than feasible. Make him take the paternity leave. You know you are going to need the help.
Does he not take D any time during the week overnight? My H has to be at work at 4:30 am, so he can't take S overnight. So I told him "You have to stay here then over night twice a week. It's not fair to me you get to walk away." He yelled that he's not walking away. I said "Great then, we're agreed, what two nights? I think Monday and Wednesday." He agreed. He used to sleep in the guest room. Now, he sleeps with me. And on his weekends with S, he's still at our place....oh and weekends I have S, he's still at our place. I have NEVER pointed that out and never will.
On Monday's I have tennis. I do sometimes on Tuesdays and a friend watches S or H does. Wednesdays we do something family oriented, even if it's all piling on the couch to watch a cartoon or going out into our backyard to play baseball....
H and I have a business meeting once a week. If there's not much going on, we do it by email. We cover all the bills, and logistics for S and anything else that might be considered "logistical". That helps me to not contact him with the guise of talking about S. And it helps that when we do talk, which is more than ever lately, we talk about fun stuff, which is great.
So, yes, I'm getting results....but admittedly, I wish it were going faster. I have to warn and remind myself, this will not be done in my time.
Do you have a plan with him for when Baby #2 makes her debut?
He doesn't take D at all - I am very insistent that my kids have one home, and sleep in their own beds. He suggested taking D overnight to his apartment at some point during my leave and I about jumped down his throat. I've never been to his apartment, I don't know how it's set up - he has nowhere for her to sleep, it's not babyproofed for sure - and she is a troublemaker!
I think once I actually give birth and am back to going out with friends a couple of times a month, I will be more insistent that H spend the night with the kids once in a while. After all, I have to do it every night...
He will be spending a great deal of his P-leave - he just wants to have six or so hours a day to go sleep in his own bed. Whatever, doesn't matter - when he goes back to work he will be working overnights, so he will come over to the house in the evening when he wakes up and stay overnight to take care of the baby while I sleep. This will come in handy since he will be back on overnights when I go back to work.
Right now we don't do anything family-oriented, but I imagine he'll be spending more time at the house once the baby is born. He seems very hesitant to have family activities.
The plan is that he's there with me in the delivery room - I'm debating going med-free just so I have an excuse to unload
I keep the business stuff to email too - I send him a spreadsheet of what he owes me. I don't contact him otherwise at all - I wait for him to contact me. I do occasionally send him news stories or funny emails and he does the same to me.
He just called me now to let me know he was on his way to pick up D from my aunt's house and he seemed very chipper. He was telling me how on a whim (since he has to stay up all night on his nights off now) he bought a basketball and found a court and shot baskets for a few hours, and now his whole body hurts because he's an old man... I laughed at him. I hope he's getting better sleep.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I did it drug free and it isn't as bad as you would think. 4 hours later I was planning number 2. But as far as unloading, I don't remember wanting to do that like you see on tv. I just wanted it over, but I went through 39 hours of labor so...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Yikes! I actually got to have some real practice at changing the way I react just over my lunch hour...
H is out looking at apartments with DD - hopefully finding out how terribly expensive it's going to be to live on his own...
I noticed when I looked at the caller ID for our house phone that a former coworker of his had called... former coworker is friend of the XGF of the male friend he's hanging out with all the time.
Immediately, my mind thinks that H must be having an affair with XGF, not hanging out with his friend, and her friend is calling to say something about it? (I've accused him of having an affair with the XGF because the number he calls used to be hers - apparently she and his friend switched phones)
I did call H to see how his search was going, and it was not too fruitful as of yet - and I didn't bring up the phone call.
I asked myself - what would I gain by doing this?
In all honesty, she probably heard through the grapevine - since H's friend and XGF see each other every day to switch off with the kid, XGF knows that we talked about separating last week. She probably said something to her friend about it, and friend was probably calling to ask him WTH he was doing, because I am the sweetest, nicest person in the world, and pregnant too...
Also, I think XGF would definitely not be the type to go after a pregnant woman's husband...
So, sanity prevails in my mind... for once
So - I pulled this post from my original post on Newcomers back in June - this particular former coworker called back again today and I actually called the number back and chatted with her for a while. She didn't seem to know anything about the pregnancy or the separation, so maybe she was just going through her phone and calling people she used to know to say hi or something. Not hard to believe that she wouldn't really hang out with the same people anymore (he hasn't been at the job for two years and she's been gone from there longer), and she did used to call occasionally to see what was going on...
I did text H "I just talked to XXX from former job" to see if he'd call back and what he would say though...
I am kind of amazed at this point at how paranoid I used to be about everything, even a few short months ago. Honestly, I could find out now about an OW and probably not care so much - I wouldn't let H be in the delivery room, and I'd probably go ahead and file for divorce...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I don't think I remember saying anything at all during my first labor with DD. Those contractions sucked. I'm not sure if my epidural ever really kicked in... but the IV stadol was nice!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I wish I had them now! I pulled a muscle putting DD in her crib last night.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Soon, and H is going to go with me tomorrow to my OB appointment. I barely even had to ask, he thought it was a great idea.
Didn't ask him to go see the counselor with me today (I never brought it up because I HOPED that I would miss this appointment) but I want to make sure he gets plenty of sleep since he's really stressed out about work. I kind of like going by myself anyway... we can go together in another couple of weeks...
The past two nights he's picked up DD from my aunt's house and brought her home and played with her. I usually sit on the couch to watch the news and I notice that he'll come sit with me instead of playing in the other room.
We're back to joking around a bit more, things feeling a bit more relaxed. I think the fact that I'm not feeling anxious about how things are going to be regardless helps.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
