Once again C. Take time to cool down and relax. You dont want to make any rash decisions that can hurt your case.
This is your WAW's problem NOT yours. She IS in a FOG or has been abducted by aliens, etc. She is living in a fantasy world filled with lies and justifications. This totally explains how she has been acting. Why she kept blaming you for the past so she could be JUSTIFIED in cheating. Regardless, YOU have to REALLY think if this is the END for you or NOT. I always thought infidelity was the END for me too, but after experiencing it I can tell you that the FEELINGS DONT go away. Think of your boys. Think of how good it could be if she wakes up once YOU pop her "fantasy bubble" that she has been floating around in. Just take time to really think about all this for the next couple weeks before you make any quick decisions.
She still has feelings for you which is the sick part. Or else she wouldnt want ANYTHING to do with you. Regardless, of the sick power/control games she has been playing. Because of these feelings she might wake up once she knows that you know and faces the repercussions for her actions.
That is why you need to really think about what you want and what is best for you and your family.
And Yes. I read her letter. And I had read similiar messages from my X. It hurt like Hell, but over time those feelings will turn from hate into pity. How sad it is that she had to go this far to deal with her feelings of being hurt. How she must have felt so trapped and hurt to resort to such measures. You have said how you hurt her in the past. She just chose the wrong way to handle this pain. Eye for an eye is obviously not the way. So once again. Are you going to choose "eye from an eye" or just feel bad for her and take care of yourself and the boys.
Like I mentioned in my previous post. I would gather your evidence. I would file for D and get a custody agreement in place. You can always stop these proceedings. She might come to her senses and realize what she has been doing.
You have a lot of history together. 2 beautiful boys and a long life left. Dont let these last couple years change your families future.
Just caught up I am in shock, cant think of much to say right now ..hang in there man, no matter what you will get through this. Either way it will just be a bad memory with time.
Like I mentioned in my previous post. I would gather your evidence. I would file for D and get a custody agreement in place. You can always stop these proceedings. She might come to her senses and realize what she has been doing.
You have a lot of history together. 2 beautiful boys and a long life left. Dont let these last couple years change your families future.
She has already filed for divorce. I haven't signed. I think I will now
I do have a verbal custody and support agreement in place
I will always have my 2 beautiful boys. They will be my family and my future
Crappy part is that I will only have them on weekends. I can't get full custody.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
My lawyer will call her lawyer next Friday when I am away in CT with my boys on a mini-vacation to let her I know about the infidelity.
He will present what I want for a custody and support agreement to get it executed.
I am planning on having no further contact with her outside of tactical issues related to the boys.
I am really struggling today. Tough as I have a lot going on at work today. I just want to curl up in my office and cry but I know I can't - no time
I must survive to thrive. For me. For my boys
Thanks for all the support
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Been reading your sitch. I feel your pain. I feel your sense of betrayal. I really do. And I know what you mean about being in the office and feeling this way.
It was different and yet so similar for me. And for days, I gave in to weakness and nobody knew that the protein shaker I was sipping from all day at the office was vodka, not water. Not that you should even think about that - It was weak and stupid. But back then, I just needed to get through each stomach churning minute of each hour of each day.
I don't have words to add other than I'll add my prayers alongside all the others here ...
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Ya think! Getting canned from having someone smell alcohol on your breath is the last thing he needs.
All you do is what you have been doing. Dig deep and LET GO and LET GOD!!!
Times like these is when you really find out what you're made of.
Man up for your boys!!!
Dont let this wayward soul jade your life. She obviously has more issues to deal with then you knew about. Hopefully, like you she will choose to do the WORK someday before it's too late. That's NOT just about YOU either, but about what's best for the boys and her family.
This is when your true feelings of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP will be tested. What caused her to be able to do this? What kind of pain did she feel? Who could she turn to? Is there NO EXCUSES for this behavior? I struggled and still struggle with these thoughts everyday. I wasn't there when my X got abused as a child or raped in college. I never experienced that type of pain or loss of control until now. How do we handle these feelings of hurt and pain?
ANSWER: Dont become judge and jury. Give it up to God. If not you will eventually be sorry.
Good luck my friend. You have just started your journey.
CIPA, Be prepared for the full frontal attack when she realizes "Holy sh!t....he's going to do it, he's going to leave me...." and she tries to get back together with you. I imagine there would be feelings of vindication and digust at the same time. But work through it now so you can be better prepared for when it does happen. My heart goes out to you....
