Hi ScifiGirl, (love that name, I am a scifi nerd myself) I think she is upset that others know what is going on. I didn't want anyone else to know, either. This deacon is a friend of both of ours, and we both like him a very great deal. In fact, that is why I was able to open up to him so easily. Maybe she just didn't like that I was doing it behind her back, so to speak. I'm not sure. I do think that she especially doesn't want anyone from church to know. We are heavily involved in our parish, maybe she feels like a failure to them.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Every time that I think I know what's going on in a WAW's head, something comes up that stumps me further.
I have run into a very similar situation...got "talked to" for discussing our situation with someone. W asked me not to discuss with a neighbor/friend. At the time it struck me as odd because W was adamant that she was leaving/filing. I asked her "don't you think they will notice when you don't live here anymore?" I mean how do they think it will be a secret?
Do you think that if they don't want people to know, there may still be a little hope that things will work out? I mean if it works out, they don't want everyone to know what we went through. If they thought 100% for sure it will not work, they would have to realize that everyone will know anyway.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Every time that I think I know what's going on in a WAW's head, something comes up that stumps me further.
I have run into a very similar situation...got "talked to" for discussing our situation with someone. W asked me not to discuss with a neighbor/friend. At the time it struck me as odd because W was adamant that she was leaving/filing. I asked her "don't you think they will notice when you don't live here anymore?" I mean how do they think it will be a secret?
Do you think that if they don't want people to know, there may still be a little hope that things will work out? I mean if it works out, they don't want everyone to know what we went through. If they thought 100% for sure it will not work, they would have to realize that everyone will know anyway.
Don't know if this is a common occurrence with WAS's, but I had a similar experience. W was upset that I had confided in a couple of very close firends of "ours" who had gone through D's. According to W, she only told her mother, and then only just before she told me.
I'm not sure what the WAS is thinking, and I would imagine they don't either. You just have to accept that logic and reason don't factor into it for them b/c most/all of what is fueling them is emotions/feelings.
We'll be sitting in the living room watching TV. Her phone will beep, she'll pull it out and look at it and then laugh and say "(niece) is out with her new boyfriend, she is bored" and then start typing away like mad. Sheesh.
You are being naive. Niece's who are out with "new" boyfriends don't call their Aunt because they are bored and then have the Aunt start typing away like mad....
I would guess this is OM and you are being lied to.....
I have been checking bills. Very few contacts with supposed OM. My point here is the MLC aspect. She has been spending a lot of time texting and calling her niece and nieces friend. They have created a bond now, where niece calls/texts w often about things. Niece added W as a friend on myface and W is updated on all of niece's posts.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Man, can I relate to that. IC always reminds me about carts and horses, whatever that means.
Have you never heard the expression, "Don't get the cart before the horse"? It means don't get things out of order. The horse should go before the cart. It doesn't work when you try to put the cart in front of the horse, right? The cart can't pull the horse. There is a proper "line up" for things to work properly. That's how we mess up a lot--and thus the old saying of getting the cart before the horse.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't know if this is a common occurrence with WAS's, but I had a similar experience. W was upset that I had confided in a couple of very close firends of "ours" who had gone through D's. According to W, she only told her mother, and then only just before she told me.
I'm not sure what the WAS is thinking, and I would imagine they don't either. You just have to accept that logic and reason don't factor into it for them b/c most/all of what is fueling them is emotions/feelings.
It doesn't make sense. It just IS.
Funny thing...I don't think that my W talks to anyone about it. Even her closest friend, who she sees EVERY day, has 5 or 6 phone calls with and texts at least 20 x's per day asks me when I see her. "How are things going?" I say "What? How do you not know how things are going? You talk to my W constantly."
The friend tells me that they don't talk about our R, and if it's brought up the W generally says "we're working on it." or "I'm still not happy there" but doesn't say much more about it.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Similar with my W. Her best friend and sister know we are having problems. As far as I know, all they know is that she isn't happy. Thats pretty much it. She has talked extensively, though, with an old grade school friend who I have mentioned before. Hie is the one making the movie. I originally thought something might have been going on between them until I got an email from him saying he was trying to get her to work on the M. Thats it, no one else she knows other than her IC are aware of our situation. I would love to be able to read her mind, just because she can be so confusing!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Funny thing...I don't think that my W talks to anyone about it.
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I think she is upset that others know what is going on.
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Maybe she just didn't like that I was doing it behind her back, so to speak. I'm not sure.
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I do think that she especially doesn't want anyone from church to know.
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I would love to be able to read her mind, just because she can be so confusing!
Oh, but you do read her mind.
Waste of time and energy (CHEESELESS TUNNEL). Stop mind reading. Focus on yourself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Funny thing...I don't think that my W talks to anyone about it. Even her closest friend, who she sees EVERY day, has 5 or 6 phone calls with and texts at least 20 x's per day asks me when I see her. "How are things going?" I say "What? How do you not know how things are going? You talk to my W constantly."
The friend tells me that they don't talk about our R, and if it's brought up the W generally says "we're working on it." or "I'm still not happy there" but doesn't say much more about it.
