I've read the summary of your interactions with him.
He knows he can come back anytime.
He walks away when you do lay down ultimatums.
He wants the OW more than you.
He holds all the power in the relationship.
He's moved on, you haven't.
He is not interested in you anymore. Sure, he'll be cordial, but it seems unlikely he'll come back, with or without an ultimatum.
Is there hope? Sure. There's also hope in winning the Lottery. You do have a 1 in 7 million chance in winning.
But there is hope.
Do you build your life on the hope of winning the Lottery? Do you play the Lottery and not go to College? Do you play the Lottery and refuse to work or start a business?
I would think a life spent waiting for a walk-away spouse seems more hopeless than divorcing and moving on. In business, and I guess, in love, it's called cutting your losses or risk management. At some point the chance of him returning is so bleak and the emotional drain on you is so heavy that continuing to wait is a greater loss than actually moving on.
Do you want to be here 2, 3, 5 years from now?
Do you want to sit here on the DB boards, in 2012 and wonder, in deep, deep regret one day "Why did I spend 10 years waiting for him?"
I do not know your spiritual/faith commitments, so I will not go into it too much.
Tell us a little about what's making you wait so long.
