Well, she is stewing, alright. Barely said 2 words to me since I got back from the gym. Hasn't even looked at me. Oh well, time for bed.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I can only guess because she found out I was talking to the deacon about us without her knowing. She found out Sunday night and didn't say a thing. Then Monday morning, she texts me asking how long he has known. I told her a few months, and that I didn't seek him out, he saw me upset in church and approached me. I said I didn't tell her about it because I was embarassed. She didn't reply or text me for the whole rest of the day. I came home from work late and she only really talked to me in reference to the boys. We put them to bed and I went to the gym. When I returned, she barely said two words to me, or even look at me. So, I excused myself and went to bed. I'll be honest, my first reaction when I realized she was mad/upset with me was an overwhelming urge to start to explain myself and apologize to her. But I kept it in check, didn't bring it up or anything. It's my business. Interestingly, for the past few nights I have been having a recurring dream. It is the same dream every night. In the dream, I come to bed and she is already there. After I get under the covers, she rolls over to me and apologizes to me for hurting me and loves me and can't imagine why she went through this terrible time. I tell her I understand, as long as she loves me. Then we ML, and during it, I realize it is my first wife. weird, huh?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Your deacon is part of your emotional support system. I have no doubt that your wife has family or friends who form her support system, and she has talked to them about your situation. It is unfair of her to have a support system of her own, but think that you should not have one. This is particularly true when there is an emotional crisis going on, as in, now. A deacon is a very good choice of a person in whom to confide. I suspect he keeps confidences to himself much more than the average person. You have nothing to be ashamed of here.
I do know what you are saying. I am not so much ashamed of talking to him as much as how I came to confide in him. He saw me crying in church, and I told him what was going on. For one thing, I don't cry. But that morning, I was overcome with pain and sadness and couldn't control myself, which really bothered me. I also didn't want anyone who knows us to know what was going on, but again, in that morning of weakness, I told him. He definately wouldn't say anything to anyone, and in fact even didn't tell my W that he knew, at my request. I would rather have you guys here and my IC as support, and thats it.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Sometimes we need other people. The deacon was there for you and he makes an effort to continue to be there for you. I hope your dream will come true, but with a little twist. I hope it will be this wife who apologizes.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
BTW, earlier I had posted that W had accepted an invitation to go to a country concert with her niece on myface. Out of morbid curiosity, I checked it again. She posted on her sister's myface page that she needed a babysitter on the day of the concert. SHe still hasn't said anything to me, though.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I don’t understand why W would get so angry or upset about the fact that you spoke to the deacon at your church. Hearing of this behavior on W’s part is a bit confusing to me. Is there more to the story here? Unless W is totally cold hearted and cruel (which in that case start running as fast as you can) I can’t imagine how W can treat you this way simply because you spoke to this person. Her behavior sounds more reactionary than anything. It brings a few questions to mind…
Perhaps she was she trying to hide the R troubles from people at the church? If so, then why? Does she know this deacon? If so, does she dislike him as a person?
