Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

In my personal opinion, I think it's time to use tough love when she comes back from the trip. I would not stay under the same roof with her since she has been brazen about this A and has not respected you enough to protect your name or your feelings, nor has she cared enough to sheild her children from her adultry. It is so shameless and I believe she should be held accountable for her actions. Will the Church do anything about her membership? She probably won't care since she's gone this far! Anyway, I think you should have her stuff sitting by the door when she comes back home. No more Mr. Nice Guy from this point on. If you don't use tough love now, I think all is lost.

Sandi,

My W is completely out of touch with reality. It's like she is a single 18 yrs old again and I and the kids just don't exist period. Or if we do, we must be completely expendable. Up until now, everybody on my side of the family has tried to keep out of the sitch as best as possible. But I got an earful today. Basically, the message was no one gives a sh*t anymore if my W is going through a personal crisis/EA/MLC or not, she is simply being a complete disrespectful b*tch to me, the kids and everyone else and it is totally unacceptable. They don't want to hear about DBing from me anymore- everyone wants me to open up a can of whupass on my W now. I think that even some of my W's family want me to react that way. I know that on my side of the family, they universally believe that the only chance of my W "waking up" is if she actually experiences a massive does of reality and accountability- possibly separation, most likely divorce. It's the same conclusion my IC came to a couple of weeks ago.

She is already on thin ice with our church with her behavior as it is- I was told recently someone concerned about my W contacted a church official anonymously to report her behavior. (I don't know anything about this.) I understand that this person plans on having a private conversation with my W. If she did have a PA which can be somehow proven (not sure what the burden of proof is for the church) then she will lose her membership in our church. Another cornerstone in her life wiped out.

It remains astonishing to me how screwed up and massively obsessed my W has become over this EA and OM. There is no way in hell OM is going to come live in our state nor is my W going to go back there to live- at least not with the kids. Yet she continues to try with all of her might to force her fantasy to become a reality- regardless of the costs.

I am very torn. Nobody is sympathetic towards my W; everybody is putting all of the blame for the EA on her. They are pissed off I am even owning up to not completely meeting all of her needs in the first place. They don't understand why the hell she didn't communicate these issues to me before in the first place. And, they don't think the OM is really much to blame since it is my W who is driving the EA and he has her chasing him now.

This OM is a very bad person who is and will continue to hurt and use my W. He seems perfectly content to assist my W in completely destroying her M and family. Yet, I continue to be reminded by family members that my W's free will trumps my obligation to protect her.

I'm in a tough spot. I have a lot of things running through my head right now. Any feedback would be appreciated.