It's nice to see that your wife is warming some. Congratulations.
Two things that you mentioned here hit close to home for me too. I had strayed from faith for a long time (church as a kid, but not very active religiously as an adult). This has brought me a lot closer to God and I have had more than one instance where something seems to have been laid out before me that seemed to be placed there for a reason. Too fitting to be coincidental. It gives me hope. I think he's listening.
The other thing is living in the now. I think that's all we can do. None of us can be too sure what our futures will look like.
Maybe these should be acts in the LBS script!
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
GIMA - it is interesting how we start to notice God's work in our life in new ways when we go through a crisis like this. Like yourself, I have wondered if He is working for our M as well.
There are some interesting circumstances that are occuring in my life that influence W towards staying together.
I lost my job last year around the time the crisis started, but didn't spend a day out of work since I found a new one. However, if I had stayed at the other company an unforseen huge windfall would have occurred. They were acquired recently and I would have made over half a million dollars on stock option profits over the next 2 years. This would have made it easy to D financially, but instead I have a lower-paying job and it is too expensive to separate and W knows it, especially with kids going to college over next several years. Also, with the bad economy and depressed real estate prices W would not get much $$$s out of a divorce settlement if she left right now. It is like selling at a low, especially when it comes to our house and her half of the equity.
Given the changes in myself I don't even care about the lost financial opportunity from the old job even though it is what I had worked towards my whole career - there are things more important in life and God has taught me this through this experience and I am grateful.
There are some other examples of how He is influencing the situation through external events I believe but I won't hijack your thread to talk about them. Keep up the PMA!
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
It's funny how I have had similar thoughts and experiences as you. I often think that had it been easier to sell the house when my sitch occurred, that may have been extra grease for the tracks of the D train. I used to worry about how much money I would have/make, but the possibility of losing my family has placed my $$ concerns where they belong - much lower on the priority scale. We still need it, just not anywhere near as important.
I, too, have had the odd feeling that the recession is functioning to keep us together. Weird. MWD has an article about it somewhere around here...
I do wish that H would wake the heck up and realize that reconciling - or at least giving ourselves an in-house trial - would put a very quick end to financial stress for both of us. *shrug* I can't control that, tho.
Last edited by Dia; 08/10/0906:09 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Yeah, I think our local paper here in southeastern Olympic city was doing research on the impact of the housing market delaying D's since people couldn't afford to get D'd.
I did read that in the AJC a few days ago I think it was. Of course, I wonder what the statistics of D's will be once the economy comes back to some normalcy. Personally, I think they will skyrocket for a while.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Yes, I really do feel confident. I think the last weekend incident with W choosing separate sleeping arrangements on our vacation made me sad then angry. Sad for the obvious, and angry at myself for allowing it to happen. I promised myself I would not let her actions affect me again.
Since then, I think I just angered myself into detaching. I really don't care what her decision is. I'm not giving up. I just don't care what she does.
And that is strength.
Is this where I should be right now? And will there come a point where she may act too later - after my feelings for her have withered?
You sound really good and strong. Are you feeling that way, too (I hope)?