Morning, Kitti...wow you ahve really taken some huge steps forward...I dod agree witht he others though, that you need to let your h know why you went for that walk, or he is thinking he did something wrong.
I also know what you mean about the sex not being the important issue right now..that was something special and I might add for being m 25 years, frequent in our m, and when it all came to a halt, it was like taking food away!!!!Now, after more than a year, I look at my h with such passion and love, but the "sex" part is not what really matters..so I guess you could call it maturity, as we are all here learning so much about growing and what is really important in our own lives and our r...all the good stuff will follow.
Keep it up.....you as a newcomer are an inspiration to us older ones here!!
Please go over and read my new post! It is good! I am seeing more baby steps! I'm ready to burst! I even cried after I posted it. I dodn't know why. But I think it is because of evrything that was said and that he is coming over Wed! Any pointers!
Sorry it has taken me so long to get over here Kitti...I still haven't caught all of the way up with your sitch but from what I have read so far WOW! I'm with the others, I would say yuo have definitely just turned the corner. I remember when H decided to finally tell me about everything that was going on inside his head...I was so happy about his finally opening up that it didn't matter if a great deal of it wasn't stuff that would exactly what I wanted to hear. I wish he would keep it up though I think I might have blown it with the week long interrogation afterwards and I haven't figured a good way to approach it so he knows it is ok to keep talking to me like that and that I won't go off the deep end again.
I KNOW the kind of PMA boost you are experiencing It's better then sex and chocolate combined isn't it LOL!
I think your opting for a walk was admirable but I am also in agreement with the others in that you might want to let your H know why you did that. He may be feeling that he unlaoded to much on you regardless of yuor assurances at the time that it wasn't the case. Just something to think about.
Congrats on your progress...only more good things to come
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
water - i haven't even opened after the affair yet, i am actually a bit reluctant to. i am not sure i am ready to handle the pain all over again. i have successfully blocked alot of the affair out of my head, and i am scared to read this and maybe feel like hubby should read it too and i just know he wont - oh well, we shall see. i have gone thru the first few chapters of the goodbye to guilt one, interesting stuff there
deb - as usual my sweet, thank you for checking up on me. i read your thread early this morning and i must say, good things are happening for you! i am glad that the apple butter worked!!! WOOHOO - i will stop by today...
opt - see above anyhoo, i will read it, i think i need to. btw - did your hubby read it also?
azure - thank you so much for stopping by my thread. yeah, i am happy with the way things are turning out!
shiny - yeah, i don't think that is the case, take a look at my update and you will see why
t2 - my sister in crime - actually t2, i was fully prepared for him to distance himself completely, but i was and have been surprised ever since, take a look at my update after i get all my thank yous done
pam - you have had WONDERFUL things happening in your sitch girl, don't BACKSLIDE whatever you do. he is starting to come around and if you keep your kewl (patience) you will win! congrats!!!!
sue (hoping) - wow, i just love it when the vets visit my thread! i have a feeling he doesn't feel like he did something wrong, take a look at my update, instead i do believe it opened a door for us communication wise - the whole sex issue was a hard one for me to overcome. i had felt at one time that sex was the sign that we were mutually working on this, but i have since learned otherwise. i know sex will come, eventually, but we have to work on US first
zoo - oh yeah, i am still reeling from the pma boost...i am loving it. this was a major breakthru for us, and it even carried on over the weekend, read my update and you will understand - again, i don't feel he unloaded too much cause of this weekend
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first i have to apologize for being very sparce the last few days. altho i have kept up with everyones sitch, i had a lot of things to assimilate and work out in my mind that i just felt i was useless to offer any encouragement or anything USEFUL to any of you except for maybe a GOOD JOB or something, and you all deserve so much more than that
oh oh, rambling again
ok, friday hubby had to go out of town on business. it was also the weekend where the boys spend it with thier mother, so i had a weekend alone with daughter. hubby was going to use the weekend not only for business but to take a much needed break (hasn't had one in two years)
ok, so i told him when he left to have fun! he called when he got to his hotel to tell me good night which was about 9:30 - and at 11:30 he called and woke me up. he kept telling me he was sorry but he needed to talk to me.
i said, honey what's wrong. seems there had been some kind of altercation at his ex's house with the boys and her husband. pretty nasty stuff and she was on the phone with him for over an hour. he called to tell me the whole story (now what you really need to know is that he seldom talks to me about his boys as a listening ear type thing) so he went thru the whole story and his take on the whole thing and what i thought. i just validated everything he said and at the end he told me thank you so much for listening, it feels good to talk to you! (YEAH)
so saturday he has his business meeting then pretty much the day free. well, he calls me like 8 times that day. i kept telling him that he is on vacation and he needs to have fun, and he tells me "it's no vacation without you and the kids" - (awwwwwww)
sunday, on the drive home he gets the whole story from the boys what happened (it was nasty) and when he gets home he lays in bed and tells me the whole story, again asking me what would i do. i still only validate everything he said and told him that i had confidence that he would make the right decision
monday he gets up and goes to work, not much interaction, but he tells me later on that morning that he called ex and settled the situation. i told him excellent, i know that he feels better for doing that. he said yes, it was only because i talked it out with you that i got thru it, thank you! i said your welcome it was my pleasure.
he then proceeds to tell me that after their conversation his ex starts talking smack about her husband. my husband told her, look, whatever it is about you and your husband it is between you two, if it's about the kids i will talk all day long, but i cannot listen to you about you and your husbands problems
OH MY GOODNESS - he did it AGAIN!!!! now, keep in mind there is no love lost between him and his ex, but the mear fact that he again acknowledged that he could not listen to ANOTHER WOMAN'S problems is a HELLA MILESTONE, and HE TOLD ME AGAIN
so you see peeps??????? i don't think that what happened the other night had any effect on him (that he felt he did something wrong) because he is sharing with me and again he is telling me things that i would have no way of knowing and he really didn't need to tell me
and, him trusting me with his feelings about his kids, that is a MILESTONE - and a definite 180 for me is to keep my big mouth shut when he did and it worked!!!!
oh yeah, still flying high, and noticing big things!!!!
oh, and there was definitely some cuddling going on last night in bed. ahhhhh, that was nice
You're doing great, btw. Just knowing that these uncommunicative S's do turn around gives me hope with my H.
Quote: and a definite 180 for me is to keep my big mouth shut when he did and it worked!!!!
You know I always had problems with this when H talked to me about his son who is now 19, I've know him since he was nine so have seen him grow up. BUT I couldn't keep my big mouth shut and even though I was told to do this by a very good friend, I DIDN'T listen to her. Now I have totally stepped out of the middle of those two as SS is now an adult and will have to deal with his father on his own and H will have to learn to relate to S19 as an adult. I can just be a good listener.
Sounds like the two of you are making HUGE steps! And you learning to zip your lip was a good 180! Isn't wonderful to see doing those little things, make a BIG difference!
I am so happy for you! You are a true inspiration!
Take Care!
Deb BTW thanks for the pep talk, I'm feeling pretty good...
I think I might have blown it with the week long interrogation afterwards and I haven't figured a good way to approach it so he knows it is ok to keep talking to me like that and that I won't go off the deep end again.
anyhoo, i will read it, i think i need to. btw - did your hubby read it also?