Most of all, take care of yourself, for yourself. Walk away spouses can smell the fear/desperation in us and can tell when we are running on the hamster wheel (getting a life) just to win them back. So, do take care of yourself -- it's a form of self-respect that, as a side benefit, elicits respect from others. It's a fine line to walk.
Your wife is just beginning her emotional roller-coaster. She can be in the romantic fog for quite some time. There is a potent cocktail of endorphins, dopamine and adrenaline going through her body right now that are shutting her off to you and making the OM look irresistible. With some people it can take 6-18 months to wear off. Statistically, it will most likely wear off. Statistically, most affairs fail to end up in a successful relationship. So time is on your side. But.... given your current strategy, prepare for a marathon emotionally. You will need to outlast her. The only danger is that long term affairs can wear you out, and leave such a bitter taste that the faithful spouse ends up being the one wanting to end the marriage. The old proverb, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" is often true when dealing with an affair.
Puppy Dog Tails can give you some strategies to help accelerate the process if you grow weary of waiting. And remember -- even Michelle and DR speak about The Last Resort Technique, After the Last Resort Technique and Ultimatums.
You might want to check online the Lost Love Project. It's about a psychologist who did research on people who re-ignite old romances. Whe re-connecting with a lost love, people often feel young and vibrant again. They see in the lost love their own lost youth and think that by being with them they can regain it. The information is not terribly encouraging. They even have forums -- but you have to pay to use them. Some of the forums are on how to cope with spouses running off with lost loves, and some, believe it or not, are about people asking for advice on how to break up marriages so they can steal their lost love away from their spouses. Yes, there is a "homewrecker" thread in there. In other words, Michelle's statistics are true, but the reconnection of an "old flame" tends to increase the success rate of these affairs.
I suggest you see a lawyer, not to file, but to get a clear understanding of what are your rights and to help you in not making foolish mistakes that can jeapordize your rights with your children or property. You might want to pay the lawyer in cash not to tip off your wife.
One bit of advice -- DO NOT MOVE OUT. Legally it makes it look like you abandoned the family and you might lose out on rights with your kids.
Best of luck to you. You are fighting the good fight. Be strong. Re-connect with your male strength -- it'll make you feel better about yourself, and, as a bonus, it makes you more attractive.
