On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

@ stronger....thanks sounds like a good idea.back to school soon so I hope that helps.

it has been really tough with the kids.over the(my) weekend the kids are on the swim team and it was championships on sat.pretty much a whole long day event.started @ 5:45 am and I think we got home around 6:30 pm.they had fun as did I and by the end of the day they we just wiped out.The W was there also for the hole day and at most said two words to me.it just tears at me that here is a woman I've been with for over 21 years and I don't even exist.

On Sunday when we got home from church the was a message on my machine that they had an awards dinner @ 5:30 PM if I could bring them there and she would meet them there after her softball game so I agreed.while there I get a phone call from her she is going to be a couple of minutes late because she had to pick up S14( which I haven't seen much of because he is in rebellion stage).so I wait.she gets there and I put all the kiddie gear in her car and get ready to leave.I would have stayed but the torment of seeing her dressed to the 9"s just kills me.as I am leaving my S8 comes running over in tears and hands me his trophy and said he wants me to keep it.once again I am just a mess so I kiss him good by and tell him I will see him in a few days.I walk in the door and the phone rings and it the W she lets me know that S8 is giving her a hard time and she doesn't think it's fair.I was just bewildered.I told her it's hard for me too when I have to tell them it's time to go back to G-Ma's and they don't wont to go.then she asked me to tell him I didn't leave because of her.nope you handle that one,and she hung up.

Later on that night on her way to work she called me again and wanted to know what I told him.apparently he became very angry at her, kicking and hitting her and making a scene.and I told her all I said was that mom was here and dad had to go.then she asked me why I left.I was honest and basically told her she treats me like crap,she is cold and it hurts.and she asked how was she supposed to treat me.and went into this big rant about how the kids should be at home and there not because I am there and she can't live with me and I have no where to go and I constantly hound her and she had to go to work.and I said there you go again running from your problems.click she hung up again.(another great night of sleep)

Good day for therapy.my Doctor just is amazed of the amount of life changing circumstances I have had to endure.yet they keep coming.

I return home from the Doc. and there is a message from S8 that he was going to a Yankee game and just wanted to let me know.I thought cool good for him.so S14 stops @ the house to take a shower and I asked why because it was just kinda weird.he had a fight with G-Ma and left the house.great more drama so I asked well were is mom.She went to the game.so like an idiot I asked with who.she went with a co-worker(male-divorced)and a S9.now thing get a little queasy.and the brain starts swelling.I don't have any proof but they seem to spend a lot of time together,play softball, take the kids, out so on so on.I don't know if I should ask her about it our try to find out for myself.either way I think if I find out it is that will be the last event I need to send me to the twilight Zone.I hope and pray I am wrong but the hair on the back of my neck tells me different.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know when to just haul off and kick some booty !

Just another rant...Thanks for stopping by.
God Bless.