In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

I think there is nothing left I have to say to her anyway. Pretty sure I got everything out last Thursday....I even told her that she may have thought I was hearing her all these years, however, most of the time she just yelled and I missed what she was trying to really say. I said that is why most of her friends, family have come to me in the past because they were afraid to speak to her because of her volatile reactions. It was just something that needed to be said..I get tired of her saying she can forgive but not forget. The fact is she knows that I have been working on myself and that I am different. She has admitted this to friends. She hasn't done the work on herself....Sorry I digressed..

But, I have had three full days of being happy, not arguing. She even through a dagger at me Saturday and I just let it roll off my shoulder. Odd thing is that besides her telling me she wanted the divorce thursday when I pushed for an answer, the next day I asked if she had any regrets, she said no. Two minutes later she tells me that she quit her therapist because she was leading her down the divorce path. The next day she invites me out to a fundraiser for our anniversary on Aug. 27. I light heartedly accepted. Talk about a roller coaster ride. I was not even planning on being around on our anniversary.

I have been doing a couple 180's that appear to be having a little bit of effect. I started cooking. Never knew I liked to cook. I also went and bought a bunch of casual clothes. Haven't bought anything for myself except suits and ties in 10 years. Good to get my sense of style back as well. Been making sure I always look "attractive" around the house. I also started taking a boxing class in addition to my daily workout routine. When she goes out, I don't ask anymore. I don't get mad the next day either. I try not to be home when she leaves(don't want to see her in her Cougar outfits). I am sleeping when she comes home.

Also, making notes of what works and what doesn't. Have found that being the person to initiate or carry on a conversation is working. Found that waiting for her to bring up something makes me look like I am cowering or resentful...

For my GAL's I have just been trying to go out more. With and without the kids. I can tell when I am gone all day with our sons, it does bother her that she is not with us. The problem is that she chose to not speak to my family anymore or my(our) friends. She knows that they know the truth about what happened and feels uncomfortable with them. She doesn't want me out with her college friends(this is her group). Which is why we don't go out with anyone else except as a family.

Thanks for your confidence.