When you confront your wife DO NOT tell her how you obtained your information. When she tries to deny, blame, etc. Put up your hand in a "stop" and say: "Wife, stop lying to me about your affair. I find it completely disrespectful. I will not stay in a marriage that includes third parties." Keep your statements about YOUR boundaries -- then she can't accuse you of being controlling.
Have you ever read Puppy's posts? He's a master at the care and handling of WAW in affairs.
I know exactly how hurt and angry you are, been there, but for the sake of your boys - you need to concentrate on establishing a strong co-parent relationship.
And by the way, one of my sons looks NOTHING like me, but I know he's mine, because I gave birth to him. Don't jump to conclusions about paternity based on looks!
