I know he is confused, because he still tries to be nice to me, almost thought he was going to touch me last night, looked like he wanted to as he walked past but then it was like he thought he better not. He even asked me when I was coming to bed! Don't know why, he hasn't been near in ages.
I think D is starting to feel hurt and anger at her dad. She was very withdrawn last night and I could not get her to tell me what was wrong or what was bothering her. Not sure if to push the issue or let her talk when ready, we have always been very close and can talk to each other about absolutely anything. Worried about the impact this will have on her schooling. She is in what we call the final year VCE where her scores mean she will either get a place at University or not, there is no second chance at these marks.
Noticed last night, that he appears to be watching me casually when I turn on the computer of a night and start talking here, so I am trying to limit how much I type in one hit. The computer is used by both of us. The only one in the house, his laptop is kept at work.
He can't see what I am doing or what site I am on and I have tried to be careful that I remove all references to this site and search history.
Feeling that if he gets curious enough, he may start to try and find out what I am doing, he is a very switched on IT person who knows more about computers than me so he will have no trouble finding out where I have been and I can't have that. Thught about buying my own laptop but then that may look suspicious.
At the end of another day and once again time to go home.
As H is unpredictable at present and as I don't know if there is an OW or not, have taken the step to protect myself in any event, by opening a bank account in my name so I can at least protect my salary if he decided to do anything with our joint account.
That hurt so much to do that but I felt it a necessary step to give me some sense of security amidst the upheaval and uncertainty that I am feeling at present.
As H is unpredictable at present and as I don't know if there is an OW or not, have taken the step to protect myself in any event, by opening a bank account in my name so I can at least protect my salary if he decided to do anything with our joint account.
Good job. Know that had to be hard, but you can always shut the separate account down later. Better to be safe right now.
Yes, it was very hard, but I found it a bit liberating like I was taking a little bit of myself back almost like a bit of independence.
Haven't had the where are we going to live talk yet, really have to do that - tonight, will do it tonight, have to be strong.
H comes home last night, talking like nothing is wrong, but still sits on the other side of the sofa, it is really weird to be in the same house with your H and not have any physical or emotional connection with that person after so many years of doing so.
Oh well, time to start getting ready for another day at work, running on auto pilot at present. Thinking about taking myself to the movies tonight, never gone on my own before, that will be a big thing to do.
Finding a house to rent here is like finding a needle in a haystack and I work in real estate.
Have possibly found a house which I will have to take regardless of whether H is coming or not otherwise we will all be living on the street or in a park along with the dog, cat and bird.
Yes rentals can be expensive here, house I am looking at is on a small piece of land, 3 bedrooms, only very small for A$360 per week. The closer you go into the centre of Melbourne the more ridiculously expensive it becomes.
It's hard because I am going from brand new and I now have to live in an old house and H's selfishness has caused this.
