Talking to her will do no good. In fact it will give her satisfaction and hope about how deeply she affects him.
It's easy to 'fall' for someone who seems to show complete and utter remorse. Great. Let his actions over time speak louder than his words. He's not calling the kids to give you time to heal? Wonderful. He also may not be calling because avoiding things is easier, a tactic he's used in the past.
He screwed up, pursued an alternate relationship over an extended period and failed in leaving the same relationship. He started it, fell into a cycle of lying that became easier with time and couldn't end it. He didn't care about how it effected you and your children. So he got a booboo. It's his job to fix himself, not yours.
It's not about being 'strong'. It's about making choices. Do you want a 'weak' man (as you have accurately described him over time) as your spouse? Can you trust him to look out for what is in your best interest at this time? Love is a given, trust is earned. And he has lost your trust.
Stop reading the emails, looking at the letters, thinking that talking to the both of them will make a difference. Those emails will not give you the answers you seek, there is no 'ah ha' moment. In the end you torture yourself.
Heck, he 'doesn't care' what you do about contacting her. What does that say? Where is his responsibility in this? A woman who actively pursues a married man selfishly disrespects his vows. The husband in the midst of a carnal relationship actively chooses to lie, blame and force his spouse to think she's at fault. He does it so well, the family and professionals agree with him and the pressure increases on you.
Maria.. you have an EXCELLENT bullshit meter. It's telling you not to go there. It's time to take care of you. Step away from what hurts you. Stop raking your nails over the open wound you have. I repeat your brilliant line you told him to my friends, "You're not worth the gum on my shoes."
The truth of what you had suspected and confirmed came out unfiltered. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future (co parenting, etc.) Stay in the present.
You wanted him to be a knight in shining armor, as you believed him to be. He's not. And you're not a damsel in distress that needs his type of 'rescuing'. Stride forward.
