I would live my life differently in that I would first of all be less co-dependant. I would make more decisions concerning the family than before. And I would not take my W for granted. I would show her how much she means to me daily. I would not fall back into the old routine because it would scare me to death.
So, what's stopping you from doing that right now? You don't get another life, O. Make the only one you've got the one you want.
Don't pursue, but you can show her your love through your strength. Work on detaching. It's the only way. The alternative is to stay where you are now - miserable. It doesn't mean you will not have bad times. It means you will be able to deal with them, they will not be as frequent, and they will not be as severe. I know it is hard to do that, but it is the only way to save YOU and to have a chance to save your M.
You can do this.
O, this is one of my favorites, especially when I'm low:
IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
