Watching her act so loving to our S was killing me.
I understand. Since the bomb, my W has not told me she loves me (I haven't either). When she tells one of our kids she loves them, just hearing the words gets my attention.
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All I could think about was that she's going to have "the conversation" with him and unseat his entire life.
If this occurs, and I hope it doesn't, you BOTH should be there. This is a non-negotiable for me. And even then, let HER do ALL the talking. If I have to do this, I plan to tell my W ahead of time that she will tell them, and that I will be there and that she is not to tell them anything indicating this is a joint decision or that I agree with it. At the end, I will ask the kids if they have any questions for me, and that's going to be it.
This goes along with the I will not resist, but I won't assist thinking.
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Part of my problem is that my parents split when I was his age. I have never forgotten the moment my Dad told me that Mommy isn't coming home....his crying that night. It's been 26 years.
I understand man. I came from a D'd family too. My parents D'd when I was an infant, so I do not have any memories of that. But, my mom and step father (who really raised me) had a very caustic R for as long as I can remember. Mom's on 4th H.
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My parents still say that they wish they would have made different decisions. It's so hard to hear that she feels getting a D will just fix everything and deliver her to her "happiness," when I KNOW that it doesn't just go away.
YOU know that (and you are correct). But, she is in the fog and cannot see that. And the LAST person she is going to listen to or trust is...guess who? So, if you give her lots of space, and live your changes and new attitude, maybe, just maybe, she will start to trust you enough or pause before proceeding. If you keep pushing, you are not going to like the result.
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9 1/2 months is a long time. We've had a lot of ups in those months though.
That is a while,but it took her a LOT longer to get where she is.
