pam - positives are helping that is for sure pam! thanks as usual for stopping by and giving me a dose of sunshine
deb - always a pleasure sweetie, we got to get that GORGEOUS picture of you up there, wowza!!!! let me work on it today ok?
sue - thanks so much for stopping by my sitch - i think those that have successfully db'd (either with a working out of the r or even if all that happened was they became better people) need to stop in sometimes to help those that are new to this journey. you that have been there have so much to offer us that are just beginning
shiny - interesting stuff. i know that the mind is a powerful tool, that we have no clue in how to work it. there are cultures that have tapped into the resources of the mind (such as the buddah) yet we fill our minds with so much CLUTTER it's no wonder we can't get anything USEFUL done in our lives eh?
sage - i tried the "loving kindness" one again this morning and i must say, things were a bit better this morning than yesterday, so maybe practice does make perfect eh? thank you for the suggestion, i will look into that
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ok - yesterday something PHENOM happened!!!!
i got a phone call from my hubby, and we were just talk talking about his day - laughing and carrying on about nothing, and then he was ready to get off the phone, and he said I LOVE YOU - i told him i love you too, and then said goodbye and hungup!!!
OH MY GOODNESS - he has not said that ON THE PHONE since BEFORE the bomb!!! i was STOKED, i couldn't believe it, a MAJOR baby step!!! i had a moment where i thought it was just a slip, but when he came home we had a discussion about something and then he said to me "that is why i said i love you today, i had to let you know that i do really appreciate the kindness that you have shown me and i wanted to let you know that i noticed"
talk about making my pma soar!!!
our discussion last night was very interesting to say the least - he started the conversation by telling me he really needed to tell me something.
a ff of his, in fact the woman i believe he had an EA with 8 years ago (which had ended but we are all still friends, distant but friends) called him and started telling him that she had screwed up her life royally and didn't know what to do.
he basically told her that he was in NO POSITION to give her advice on what to do, that this was between her and her husband and that she needed to go to him and fix it. and don't call him (my husband) again. he said that he was that kind of friend in the past but that he could not be that kind of friend anymore
then hubby proceeds to tell me that he realized how easy it was to fall into that trap of wanting to help her, but he stopped it - and he was proud of himself for doing that. he then reiterated to me how much he despises what happened between him and his PA and he even told me that these women knew what they had to do to get him to keep near. they knew the buttons to push to make sure he stayed around, and now he hates his PA for doing that to him, because he really thought he was helping her (at first i guess) - he told me he has come to the conclusion that he was being used and that it made him feel even worse
this all wasn't easy to listen to, but i validated everything he said and kept quiet mostly thru this, it's something i felt he needed to get out.
i do believe i see growth in this man. i do believe i see HOPE in our future. i do believe he is processing all of this and finally realizing what went wrong - and just the mear fact that he told this girl the other day that he couldn't be that kind of friend to her (or to any other female) was a huge step in his growth
pma right now is very high
after that discussion we had a very nice evening together, but at one point i got REALLY hot and heavy for wanting him so i just decided to leave the house and take a walk to calm down. he followed me outside and said "what's wrong - have i done something?" i told him no, i just needed some time alone "he said, did i put too much on you this evening" and i said "no, really, it's not you, just something i am working on" - he said "i know it's me, maybe not for what i did tonight but what i have done in the past" and i just gave him a hug and told him i would be back in a few. he watched me walk down the drive way and then yelled out "hurry back ok?" - i said "sure"
when i came back we watch a documentary together and really enjoyed ourselves.
