Not Me...Ever part 2

[mac-ct]

Serenity - don't check on my weekend. Was on a downer until I got a few slaps from a very nice lady (not really slaps but you get my drift).

You know who I mean - THE Wifey - that woman has heart.

Back to normal now (whatever the heck that means in batsh!tland)

You need to skip the downer stuff - either on your thread or mine.
Not doing anyone an once of good.

Think of the positives - I'd like to consider me being one of them.

New phrase - down is out. Not going to do it - not going there - not a cat in hells chance.

Hugs honey.

If I can do it you can to

Mac

[Serenity13]

Hi Undrdg...

I welcome you to the place none of us want to be...I thank you for the laughs you have given me but more importantly I thank you for the wonderful words you posted...I printed them out and put them in my book I carry with me...I will come and check out your sitch

[Serenity13]

Oh Mac...

He just texted me for money...

I didn't respond right away...

Stepped away from my desk and went back outside...

What do I do with this?

[Serenity13]

Good to hear you're starting to feel better Serenity.

I probably posted this before (in a Retrouvaille related angle). When I was in despair, over the failing M, my own feelings of anger, the person my W had become ... I just vented that it was all too much for me when I met with the R folks for advice late at night 2nd day. I was told "Deep, do you believe in God? ... well if you do, you know he won't give you more than you can bear". NOT what I needed though, I knew I was hurting more than I could take. "Well, He is here with you, in the quiet of your own mind, have you tried telling Him it's more than you can bear, and that you'll carry what you can, and ask Him to help you with the rest?"

I did. And somehow, corny or not, walking up to my room after, it was almost like a physical lightening of the load, somehow. The W and I also happened to re-connect for the first time after I entered the room. I was giving her a routine goodnight kiss, she really kissed back and told me she felt me again. It was among the first of a million small steps back that we are still taking.

Have faith

There are no words to express my sincerest thanks for this Deep...These words you spoke are exactly what I needed to hear and I thank you very much

[mac-ct]

And the answer is -

1. Wait

2. Share

3. Don't take it personal

4. Bulldust - what did you tell me? And what should you do?

Ahhh - scrap 1 through 3 stick to number 4.

What gives with him Serenity? You can't answer that can you?

Breath - swear a bit - focus on yourself.

Going to cook 4 x burgers. This WILL wait. BRB

Hugs

Mac

[Serenity13]

I have no answer sweets....

I hate not giving him anything he asks for but why should I pay for him to live elsewhere when he is banging FT?

Makes me feel sick and this is not eliminating the weight I already feel today

[undrdg]

IF it was me
I would be asking him what for.
Crack a joke.
And let him wait.

[Serenity13]

Yes you are a positive I count

[Serenity13]

That sounds like a good idea undrdg...Let's see what it brings to me today

[Serenity13]

No jokes...

Just how much...

He stated an amount and that he needed food

Now do I give him some?

I like to see it as a sign that he still comes to me instead of FT however a part of me also feels used.