Kalni, I wish you didn't have to go through this. I know all too well the pain you are feeling. You will have to deal with that pain at your own pace. The anger will surface, if not now, then inevitably later but it is a part of the healing process.
Don't think about forgiveness at this point. Right now the pain is too raw. MAYBE in time you will be able to forgive. I'm still working on it but have had many backslides. It's not easy!!! One book I am reading that was suggested to me on these boards is "How Can I Forgive You?" by Janis Abrahms Spring (same author that wrote After the Affair). The author is very thorough, emphasizes that forgiveness is extremely complex and involves much more than just "choosing" to forgive and that most of us cannot live up to such high moral principles to forgive unconditionally. I continue to work on it and know that I have a long road ahead of me.
I hope the weather is better for you tomorrow so that you can get out and work on your tan. That always makes me feel better.
(((((HUGS)))))
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
