Alex - Nice to see you again...I will bypass the email all together, let someone else focus on that and turn my focus on your son...As you know my journey with bi-polar has been littered with anger - Anger so all consuming that at times I have frightened myself...I have hurt people physically because I just couldn't control it...Even now I don't spank my kids because I am terrified the anger will take over at any moment...Your son is at an age where he can learn a few things that I didn't learn until I was much older...
The 3 R's will help him once he learns the technique, I found these online but it is what I have been given by my Dr.
Retreat Step back from a heated discussion and take a break, a time-out, or a breather, rather than jumping in and expressing the first thing that pops into your head. Learning skills to relax, such as meditation, breathing exercises, or exercise, and scheduling personal retreats, even during your lunch break, may help you control your temper.
Rethink Slow down and calm your racing thoughts and take your time to think about what’s happening before you respond. You will be more effective in resolving the conflict if you get in touch with your feelings, listen carefully to what others are saying, and try to brainstorm possible solutions to the issues.
Respond When you’re feeling calmer, concentrate on using slower speech and a calm tone of voice that is not defensive or judgmental or insulting. Using silly humor, not sarcasm, can defuse the tension. Some people find it’s helpful to write a script and rehearse it in private in order to stick to the main concerns. Remember to use “I” statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance, say, “I’m unhappy that you didn’t come home earlier,” rather than, “You should have been home earlier.” Talking to a person you can trust with your feelings, a friend or a therapist, can help you express your anger, especially when you cannot feel calm enough to talk directly to the person who angered you.
In this instance, you and your W have got to come together and provide a united front to your son... My parents didn't want to face the fact I had a mental illness so it was swept under the rug... They gave me my meds and that was it... To this day they never even learned what I have nor what causes it nor how to diffuse it... They don't even mention the word which I now find just sad... Anyway... Your son has to learn how to manage this... With the right meds and the right techniques he will be able to control the anger... He needs to learn some healthy coping mechanisms... The anger may have subsided but the tension is still held inside - He has to find a way to release that (and not like I did) - Something productive - Taking a walk or playing any sport (hitting a ball, shooting baskets, throwing a Frisbee) can redirect the energy in a healthy way... If he is in a location where he doesn't have this opportunity, he could write his feelings in a journal, listen to music, or focus his thoughts on calmer, more positive times... Instead of cutting, I have taken to writing whatever is on my mind at that time and then burning it... Normally I write a letter to God and then I put it in a fire pit when I am done....
Let him know that it may seem the most difficult idea to accept, but forgiving the person he is angry with and not holding a grudge against her for words or actions will help him to heal. This allows him to take control of the issue at hand for the long run and not have it control and consume him.
I hope this helps you my friend (sorry so long)...You know where I am if you want to talk.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
