andrew - thanks for the poppin in, doing ok i guess, i will be posting an update after i reply to those that posted to me
cathy - it's really quite sad to watch tho. him giving all this attention to other female friends, the stuff that was supposed to be for me his wife but because i am not as needy he doesn't feel as fulfilled, ugh, not having a good pma today so feeling very negative
pam - as usual, thank you so much for visiting me. you really are a ray of sunshine. i spoke with you earlier so i know your doing a bit better - {{{pam}}}
kaw - well if anything you brought a smile to my face - dont think i could ever do that but it was fun envisioning it. thanks for stopping by
mockers - thank you so much for stopping by. i am still looking into the whole perfume/pheromone thing - question is, is it really what i want?
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ok, i haven't posted much in my sitch because i have been having some really negative thoughts as of late. thoughts of wanting this all to be over and for us to be apart.
i am really trying to figure out if i truly love this guy or is my EGO just crushed because he felt it better to sleep with another woman? am i only trying to prove a point? that i can win him back? then where would we be? i am starting to feel almost like him, maybe there really wasn't any good times in our marriage
the only thing right now i can think of that is making me stay is my daughter. she loves him with her very being and i am not ready yet for her to grow up without a mommy AND a daddy at home (like i had to - am i living my life thru my daughter?)
i have been seriously thinking of how i can make it on my own, and here i am i don't even have a job. i went for training two weeks ago but it doesn't start until november, and i am in NO MOOD to wait, and heaven knows my hubby does not make enough money to support two homes, is that why i stay?
it's so hard, i know you all know this, but i conflict everyday in my head "am i being true to myself" = remind me again why i am here and why i am trying to make this work on my own
my heart is heavy, and i fear the future. i really need to work on "in the now" - i am trying people, i really am. but it's so hard to live in fear.
ok - let me try to bring this up a bit...positives
1) hubby actually let me lay my head in the crook of his arm this morning. and he rubbed my arm and held me (with one arm) for about 10 minutes.
2) i wrote him a text message to his cell phone today (having financial woes again and biz is not cooperating) "just thinking about you and hoping your having a good day. hugs kitti" - he called about 15 minutes later to let me know he appreciated the message and told me about his day
3) he sought me out this morning for a good bye hug.
sorry i am downer people, just can't help it today
