I forget who mentionned that our sitches have similarities......so, maybe if I share what I tried to do, just maybe, it may help a little........
"How could we possible have a good time when he was in love with her?"
This line pretty much sums up the piecing aspect of the WAS saga....I think this happened in my case as well. You know what is ironic, at times I thought that your heart was elsewhere and he did not stand a chance. I think he had us all fooled.
"I dont know how I will ever find the strength to forgive. How the hell will I be able to coparent with him and NOT make it obvious I cant stand looking at him."
You will DO IT for the kids! I am not so sure about the forgiving part....people here advocate total forgiveness in order to heal. In my case, I am not certain that I have forgiven my XW. Sure it is easy to write it here...but deep down I still hold a grudge....so maybe I am not healed totally....maybe WE never do.
It is much too early in the process to get over the awful feelings you are now experiencing. It all takes time K. I know it sounds simplistic but time heals....maybe not totally but it heals. It HAS to and you will need to help yourself. I think I have done that by trying not to think too much about the negatives of the past with XW. When I do find myself sliding into the darkness if you will, I force myself to think about something else instead of remaining stuck in the past. Like I said it is too early for you to do that....but the day I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized that I deserve better than what my XW had to offer in the last 2 years is the day I believe that I truly began to drop the proverbial rope. Until then K, you will need to do what it takes to make yourself feel better. If it is to go away for a few days without the kids, do it. If you need to ask more questions....do it. But eventually, you will need to slowly begin to move forward....don't stay stuck for too long K. If I may paraphrase Mike, TOO BAD FOR THEM!
One more thing, this may or may not help but hey...I am going to put it out there anyway....even if it sounds insensitive: In two weeks it seemed to me that you were going to file....that was the direction you were going....well he just made your decision alot easier. Yes the betrayal is VERY hard to swallow and 3 years seems like an awful long time. If you did not find out what you did, do you really think your future together was a viable option? Therefore, you have the same result except that you have information about why he has acted the way he has.... I hope that was not too insensitive. Hope some of this helps...because I think we are ALL trying to do this in our own way.
