You are absolutely right and I know how it wears you down.
Thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow, and every day.
Thank you. Yes - it is wearing me down. I haven't really given myself the chance to stop and feel anything throughout the process which had its benefits at first but now I think I'm paying for it.
Legally? I'm in a great position honestly. Unless her psych exam comes back that she is the most mentally stable person ever I think it is safe to say that it may be a downhill battle to our trial date.
Regardless of a diagnosis or what comes out of the report, as long as it is favorable to me I've got plenty to go along with it to move forward with a strong case.
This is the strongest I will ever be legally, so I really shouldn't be worrying about that part - and I'm not. I'm a little concerned at how the evaluation will go - but that is primarily because I don't understand the process completely. I've prayed for the wisdom of the evaluator to find what is best for D1 regardless of what I or W want.
Emotionally... this is where I'm drained. Finding out more facts months, nearly a year down the road which contradicts all the gaslighting and other lying regarding my wife's infidelity is almost a re-victimization of sorts...
The lies do the damage with infidelity... when the truth comes out it causes more and more damage... long after the infidelity has been discovered.
In my case, W has no intention of being truthful unless she knows I have absolute evidence - and at this point I do in regard to everything, when it started, etc.
So I get to feel the pain again... understanding more of the truth, etc. just confirms what my perceptions told me anyway.
But it still hurts. Worst part is that W doesn't seem to realize what she is doing as she is in the fog or whatever and doesn't quite comprehend the long-term implications of anything.
I'm just numb to her at this point. What a selfish piece of work she has been this entire year.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Well I text-messaged W to ask about D1. She was doing fine. I then asked "Did you finish your eval?" to which she responded "Yes." and immediately asked about S9 who had to go to the dentist today.
That is the first time she has asked about him since April.
Curious how it went. She didn't seem that talkative about it - I'm not sure if she knows how it went.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Went to see D1 this morning with S8/S9. W was in the room with her, and D1 was crying when I arrived. She was sort of clingy to W, and W acted nice-ish which I've learned means absolutely nothing when dealing with her.
S8 asked me this morning when W was coming home. I responded that she isn't. S8 then asked W when he saw her, and she gives the usual "I don't know."
So any normal person would probably be freaking out on how the evaluation went. W seems oblivious as if she doesn't know what the big deal was. I've read about people who are completely sane freaking out over the testing results - so I'm thinking we are going to get some pretty helpful results here assuming she took it.
The biggest clue to a mental issue is the person thinking there is absolutely nothing wrong with them despite clear evidence to the contrary.
Anyway... D1 did fine when I put her down next to S8/S9. She started playing peek a boo with her blanket and blowing them kisses. It was cute, and she seemed very happy.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
S8/S9 had their first day of school. That turned out well enough, both of them did fine. I worked with a coworker who brought his RV into town and we worked next to the baseball stadium today.
The psychologist who is performing W's evaluation called me to ask my permission to continue for another 2 hours reading through the materials he was provided as part of her evaluation. I'm guessing he wouldn't have asked if he didn't think there was something to find.
Told him I wanted him to do whatever he had to do in order to have a complete evaluation. Seems like things are falling together... just waiting on things to happen right now.
Another $300 - $400 isn't bad if it gets everything locked down.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
The psychologist who is performing W's evaluation called me to ask my permission to continue for another 2 hours reading through the materials he was provided as part of her evaluation. I'm guessing he wouldn't have asked if he didn't think there was something to find.
This does look like a good sign. I'm not too comfortable posting support messages because I haven't decided on which path to proceed on with my WAW... I haven't posted my story yet because I don't know if I'm going to choose the DB route. My nature is cautious and I like read up and evaluate all possible options before taking action.
Your thread seems quiet, but I'm watching DC. I'd like to thank you because you've inspired me to research my legal rights and prepare for the worst case scenario.
You're right, a couple of hundred spent now can save you a fortune in the future. Wishing you success.
S8/S9 both started school and I've been running late on being able to see D1 during the mornings. This morning D1 was sitting in a high chair eating cheerios and fruit loops and seemed very happy.
W acted somewhat nice/civil towards me this morning, but only because she wants me to bring her something she wanted from the house. Only in BPD world can you be accused of rape and abuse and then have the person ask you for $10 and $15 nitpick items from the home that they want...
I suppose I should be thankful that she acts nice/civil most of the time lately. The "acting out" periods make my head hurt trying to parse through the crazy emotionalism.
Gnosis, thank you for commenting. I suppose if my trials can serve as an example to others then they can serve some purpose other than frustration.
At the very least I've learned to evaluate the types of relationship dynamics I seem to be drawn toward. It should help in any future relationship in determining how best to proceed or whether things should proceed at all.
I've had some "ex" issues recently where a crazy ex contacted me wanting to take advantage of my own situation by leaving her marriage to jump into something with me. I told her I was not interested and she went ballistic. At least I've learned how these dynamics work and recognize I don't want to be someone's "OM" as that would be hypocritical.
I'm also keeping an eye on my interactions to make sure I don't turn to an EA or anything in my confusion. Whatever happens maybe W will respect me in the future once the fantasy pops.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
DC, Im not trying to be insulting to you, or anything, but do you think that choosing these women who are eventually destructive to you is a pattern? Are you looking for someone you can save?
IT sounds like things are going well, I find that them being kind can be just as frustrating though! It must be nice for your boys to be able to see their sister like that, and to have your W acknowledge them!
This experience has definately cemented my belief that A's are ALWAYS destructive, and that I would Never be involved in one!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
DC, Im not trying to be insulting to you, or anything, but do you think that choosing these women who are eventually destructive to you is a pattern? Are you looking for someone you can save?
IT sounds like things are going well, I find that them being kind can be just as frustrating though! It must be nice for your boys to be able to see their sister like that, and to have your W acknowledge them!
This experience has definately cemented my belief that A's are ALWAYS destructive, and that I would Never be involved in one!
Yeah I think it has been a pattern. My past relationships have all followed the "white knight" pattern of finding someone who needs saving. Fortunately I've become self-aware of this and have started paying attention to warning signs.
Things are going well enough, which is odd. W acts extremely friendly after undergoing her mental examination which has to be stigmatizing in a sense. Then again - she generally acts friendly when she wants something or when she is getting ready to come after me in some other way.
This A has been destructive emotionally, financially, and especially for the children. It is sort of like a madness almost... where I'm aware of what is happening but it is almost as if I'm the only one who cares. Everyone else involved in the situation would rather pretend like W has no faults and everything is my fault, or vice-versa.
Legally things are proceeding well. I'm going to have to see how things are going forward. Trial is in 35 days or so, and I'm hoping for things to be finalized at that point. W sent me a nice text message with a but I chose not to reply to it. She accuses me of rape and then wants to be friends on alternate weeks. It is odd.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Are you going to see the results of the mental evaluation? Or will it just be mentioned in the trial? It is curious that the doc mentioned needing more time to go over your background info/evidence that you submitted. Im glad that you had the resources to make that happen.
Regardless of why its happening (as long as you dont let your guard down), I think that you deserve a break from the craziness and abuse of your W, so Im really glad that things are settling down.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
but I chose not to reply to it. She accuses me of rape and then wants to be friends on alternate weeks. It is odd.