Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[cat04]

Honey,

You crack me up. Thanks for being sorry about my weekend but I have to say that I'm not. I have allowed H to cake eat for way too long and even though we have had some good conversations about things, he is stuck, stuck, stuck, or moving slower than the slowest snail in the world. And I have been allowing him to stay stuck while I have been concentrating on me, because I was not strong enough to say what I needed to say. I convinced myself that if I said those things it would be out of anger and frustration. When they came out of my mouth, I was as surprised as anyone I think. But please understand, it wasn't an angry I'm done sort of thing. It was more a if this is how you choose to live, I choose not to accept it anymore. But I'm not going to argue about it either because you will do what you want to do.

Like Dawn, I have not been a big advocate of separation because I do believe it can make it ultimately harder for them to come back if they decide they want to, although I too am much more relaxed when he is not around. But I do think that making him aware that I will not continue to live like this forever is important and actually much more mature than how he behaved which was to say one day, I'm done and there will be no discussion but I'm not going anywhere and this is how you will live now.

So ultimately, the decision lies with him. He can choose to see nothing and process nothing and continue making the choices that he is making and that is up to him. Or he will process what I said, which was basically, no more doormat, no more cake eating, and he will get himself unstuck. I don't expect him to do it overnight. I don't really expect him to get unstuck at all but I am no longer going to remain stuck with him. So this may just totally blow up in my face and result in what I don't want, but if it does, then I know it will be for the best. Somehow I don't feel like that will happen, or maybe I just don't care anymore not really sure.

So what does my H know?

-I will not live like this forever.
-I am not afraid anymore.
-I will not be at his mercy anymore.
-Although I do not agree with his choices, they are his choices, but I will make choices as well.
-He is not the ruler of the universe (sorry had to throw that one in for fun lol)

You crack me up talking about the vibrator. I am beginning to think I may have to invest in a new one myself. LOL.

And yes, if you can't tell by my reply, my H has difficulty relating to others. He thinks he is the king and we are all his peons and that what he says goes. Not an MLC trait, a life trait. But that is one of my 180's. When he issues an edict now, instead of working out the details, if he really wants it done I let him work out the details.

Ok now having a not so sure I did the right thing moment, so I will ask you all to bear with me for the near future.