actually holding, this is a personality trait, and i don't think it's easily broken - unless of course it would be the choice of the one that suffers from it
let me explain the best i can ok (in my best psychiatric voice)
some guys feel good about themselves only if they are helping out poor defenseless women - the more they are damaged either from a previous relationship or ongoing one, the more they need them, the more they feel like a hero.
my husbands affair (on me) was with a woman who was in a horrible relationship, everyone knew it, and he became her HERO - helped her cope and tried to show her that there are "good men" out there
the affair that hubby had with his exwife was with a young girl who had it really bad in her home life with her father, and he again proceeded to be her hero
all of my husbands FEMALE friends have been those with HORRIBLE problems, and he feels like he can save them.
ok, well, i do believe that he is a bit past that now, but he had to work on it on his own, there was nothing i could say or do to help him realize what he was doing
there have been times in our marriage where i have made the comment to him that the reason we always have had problems is because i wasn't NEEDY or CRAZY or looked at him as my HERO enough to keep him satisfied - these discussion usually came up when i saw him getting just a little bit too close for comfort to some of our female friends
