Oddness continues today, I am in dim mode for myself, just doing my thing, some housework, etc.
Last night, I watched a movie downstairs and since W didn't want to watch it, she was upstairs in our room watching tv. I came to bed after movie, and she was still there finishing up watching a show. I climbed into bed, and she stayed to watch the show, couple small chats about the show, but man did I have to try hard to just not approach her in bed. I really wanted to reach over, give her a hug and say thanks for coming with us today, we had a great time. I didn't, but wonder if I should have.
Today, she told me she was going to have an old friend of hers over for dinner this week, my d8's old kindergarten teacher, so I know her as well, but my W worked with her at the school, so really her friend. W asked me if I would like to join them when she comes over for dinner this week. Odd. The only night I would be home near to dinner time is this week after our mediation session, so I told her if she did it that night, I would attend.
Maybe I should offer to get something for the dinner that night, wine or something else?
Dunno if this Old W or New W today, or maybe something of both. Who knows.. LOL
Mediation: Man, I am staring down the double barrel shotgun of another Mediation meeting this Thursday. Got to keep PMA all this week, during that meeting and after. I think I will repeat the following daily to myself: It's not over until its over.
Going to take d8 to my sisters b-day party today, and maybe tonight after she goes to bed, I'll go to a friends house to stay busy and mysterious...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Brought home d8 last night from party, and chilled for about 1/2 hour with her before bed watching TV in my room. W came in and decided she wanted to put d8 to bed, I normally do that, but that's ok with me, thought that was nice.
My friend was texting me on phone, she has relationship problem as well, long term bf broke up with her, and she's trying to reconcile, she was really depressed, so I figured I would run over and cheer her up a bit, if I could.
When I went downstairs to leave, W was on the couch with a tissues, and damp eyes. I asked her, are you ok? She says, yes, just her allergies. Ok, but by her body language and position say something else, but I don't pry, if she wanted to talk, she would, so I clam up my normally needy self to find out what's up with her, and say I need to run out, and split.
It is not over until it's over.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
When I went downstairs to leave, W was on the couch with a tissues, and damp eyes. I asked her, are you ok? She says, yes, just her allergies. Ok, but by her body language and position say something else, but I don't pry, if she wanted to talk, she would, so I clam up my normally needy self to find out what's up with her, and say I need to run out, and split.
So, yesterday fairly non event for me, busy at work, and then group meeting at night..
Some notes on yesterday. My d8 has been calling me lately at work, I talked to her for a bit, but then had to leave. On my way to meeting last night, I called house to talk to her again, but W picked up. I asked to speak to d8, but W said she was putting dinner on the table, then started asking me to look into some Vacation Giveaway thing she says she won tickets to Universal Studios. Since I wasn't talking to d8, I cut off my W, and said, I'll have to look at it later, as I have to go. She says "oh, ok" and hangs up.
W was not at home when I got home, and I actually was kind of glad, I could do what I wanted tonight, just watch some tv and crash as I was tired. She came home a little bit later, and immediately came into the bedroom where I was watching tv, and I could tell she was excited. She had a school meeting as she works at our d8's private school, and they are looking to make some big changes this coming year, and she's excited about them.
I am kinda amused that she had to come straight home to talk to me about it, I was mostly just disinterested, I thought that it was nice as my d8 may have some better stuff for school this year.
Then she goes into asking me for help downloading something that she had bought online, some audio stuff, but I tell her it will have to wait until tomorrow. Ok, she says.
She then takes a shower, and gets ready for bed, after that at one point we were standing next to each other in the room, and I was looking directly into her eyes, and she is looking into mine, and we hold it for a second or two. I swear there was something of Old W still there, I had to really resist just leaning in and trying to kiss her, so I turned away and headed back to bed to watch some more TV, and she heads off to the other room for bed.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Good job on pulling yourself back from kissing her or touching her when you two were looking into each other's eyes.
Maybe it's not coming through in your posts, but it sounds (again, just from reading the workds - downside of the written word) that you are leaning toward the cold side of pulling back. If I'm wrong here, just tell me. But, otherwise, be careful not to come off as giving her the cold shoulder.
There is a difference b/w being lovingly detached and being cold to her. If she comes to talk to you (like when she was excited to talk about the changes at the school where she works), let her engage you - look her in the eyes and listen. Give her the platform to just talk to you about it, and ask her occasional open ended questions to keep her talking. But, show genuine interest in what she is telling you (but don't go overboard).
Sounds like as you pull back some, she is coming to you. Nice, huh?
Yeh, thanks GIMA sorry if my posts are coming across that way, I am not being cold for sure, and asking questions as you state. I am genuinely interested in what she says, and I hope that comes across when I talk with her.
However, I am limiting them, and trying to end things first where I can, and her reactions are not what drive my thinking currently.
We'll see if that trend continues, but I am not tied to any outcome at this point, that is clear in my mind now, for me.
It's not over until its over..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Come home tonight, and W is walking around house in new string bikini. I am pretty sure there's more fabric in the left sock I wore to work today than the entire thing..
Ooof. First thing I feel, is man she looks good, then a bit of sadness that I am so gonna miss that.. Only lasts for a bit though.
She seems to be staying near me around the house, not quite sure of the look on her face either. Maybe fishing for a comment on the outfit? Sorry hon, not gonna bite. I am doing my own thing, and trying to 'ignore' her while still talking to d8 and still speaking with her lightly about things.
She asks me for help on downloading some computer files, so I instruct her how to do that, she takes notes at the same time, so she can do this on her own in the future.
SS17 has a couple friends over, so I am in my room watching a bit of TV, and the W comes in, and is currently taking a shower. *Sigh* Got to ignore that too.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
