First of all, This is NOT going a be a short ride for you....You like Rollercoasters ?
You won't soon....
IF she is MLC, there are certain things you need to wrap your brain around.
Thinking that there is something that YOU can do. You need to realize that this is HER path to walk, and you need to step back and let her walk it. But this also can be the time for YOU to find yourself as well..
Counseling will only work if SHE wants it to work, If she is still in there somewhere, actually WANTING to make this work right now.
Unless you have a counselor that is REALLY well versed in MLC, I wouldn't put a lot of creedence in that working, and that is not entirely a bad thing for now. This has to be HER choice to make, and doesn't necessarily mean she is making an effort. Just another avenue to justify her position for many that have tried.
I would ,however reccomend YOU finding a councelor for you...Someone to talk things through with and understands MLC script.
Right now , There are things that you can do for yourself, and you need to do those. Your children need to be number one for you, they need a constant in their lives, it sucks, but that constant is YOU....
MLC'ers lie....Bottom line....
Don't believe anything you hear, and about half of what you see.
But you do need to listen carefully to the complaints. Although they are magnified, they are real and what she believes the problems where. Take a hard look in the mirror, and see what your role in the breakdown was, cause believe it or not, YOU did play a role in this.
There will be a certain amount of crap that you HAVE to take for a while, until the anger wears off. Just listen and validate. Let her rant and spew her crap. Validate the points that need validating.
Is this something you can do ?
Is this something you want ?
Is this something that you can handle ?
When is enough ?
All of those answers are INSIDE of you.....
Nobody here can answer those for you. Nor should you want us to.
Focus on what you can do for you and the children for now. That is all you can do.
Although it doesn't feel like it now, there will come a day when you will be thankful of this process for YOU....
You have to do the work for yourself though....
Common theme ?
Read some threads and archives....Although we are such different entities as people, there is a script that MLC'ers follow. Most of the time it is scary that there may actually be a manual for it.
Have you read the resource page with MLC for Dummies yet ?
It's like a freakin checklist that they ALL seem to follow....
There is very little that you can tell anyone here that would send us into shock. Most of us here have seen and heard things that you wouldn't believe now, but will in the future...
Buckle up 73.....
A couple things to ponder though....
After reading and understanding MLC. ( and I hope you have read the resourses, and DB and DR )
Can you truly do the work on yourself, and are you capable of forgiving her?
Cause if you are not, and cannot be a forgiving soul, then you should re-evaluate your stance...
Standing is a decision, one that will slap you in the face every F-N day ....
