K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Thanks.

I did a lot of thinking last night and this morning. I'm still in a lot of pain from what I did and said and what my W said and is doing.

But I finally realized that I have a lot of work that I have to do on myself that I cannot just get through faith. I have to make real changes and get help making those changes in who I am as an overall person.

I see this now. Its not enough to just have faith. You have to put work into changing you also. It was a hard realization to come to. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't do it alone. But I can't. I don't have the tools to do it alone.

I am handing my M and W over to God and I am putting my feet forward in getting the help that I need for myself. I know that until I do, nothing will ever change between me and W. It also hurts knowing I am back to square one. But that is the reality of the damage I did this weekend. 11 months if there was even any progress made was just wiped out by me not being smarter and realizing I have issues that have to be worked on.

Today is going to be a hard day as I continue to self analyze things and look in the direction I have to go without my W being by my side.

Kevin