Wow you had an interesting weekend. How are you doing?
I guess it was one of those weekends. I told H last night, I think if you are going to continue to do the things you are doing it is time to find somewhere else to live. Not from anger, not from anything other than love. Love for self and son. As well as H. Of course he simply acted like I said nothing so we will see what the next few weeks bring.
On to you, reading your weekend was like reliving talks with H from more than 6 months ago. Often they don't realize how their actions look so I'm not surprised he was upset by how you saw him with the choking motions. He obviously did not realize he looked that way. Preparing yourself for what will come financially is important. Letting him know that you are not going to live like this forever is important. Yes your H, like mine, is stuck, albiet in different emotional places (your H is stuck in anger/replay, while mine is more in replay/depression/withdrawl. The anger/replay here lasted for about 26 consecutive months, if not longer so I do understand.) But even in saying what I said, I left it is his hands to make the choice for now, and I felt that was important. You have presented him with his options for the moment and I would leave things up to him for now, unless you really need him to leave for your sanity. I am going to suggest it is time for superficial contact only. At least any contact initiated from you. When they are at home, I think it takes longer for them to process things because the "source" of their problems is still in their face everyday. They do not get the chance to experience, truly experience, the freedom they think they want and need. So it takes longer for them to process everything.
You said something about not acting as if anymore and I want to warn you slightly that you will probably get more grief at first because you are not being friendly. Every time I try to pull back, I get some sort of comment. Some sort of garbage, but I realize this as a pursuit/distance sort of dance and I'm done playing that anymore. Hence the conversation last night. So yes it is now time to let the dust settle. It will.
Only you can decide what you can live with and you are doing well.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
