This recent emailed response from h has caused me to think a lot about what I want. I realised that emailing him back would not bring me any closer to my goal of us spending time together as email communication is very safe and easy for him. It means we keep in touch without face-to-face contact so I want to make email communication less satisfying to him. If I make it easy all the time for him he doesn't have to work.
So I thought I'd try something different. It's a little scary as I'm not sure what will happen but at the same time I feel the time is right now that the house is gone to try and change the dynamic a little.
Normal scenario We communicate via email or I instigate an invitation or communication and he says yes but it doesn't materialise and turns into an issue (which reinforces his perceived perception that I am a hassle). He doesn't make time for me for whatever reason and comes back with apologies and excuses about being busy. I hate that busy word!!! Usually I just say ok, no problem and engage in whatever he crumbs he throws at me and it continues.
The problem It stops him forging a connection that gets stronger every time we see each other. I can see when we meet that he works hard to keep this connection subdued and I feel this email is another form of suppression. Email communication is very comfortable for him.
What I did I didn't reply to the email, the text gave me the perfect excuse to be brief. I texted back saying 'Hiya, sorry yes. I would love the router, it'd be really appreciated. Give me a call about how we can arrange it. Have a great weekend.'
So we shall see... waiting and seeing is the hardest part. I gave it a lot of thought but emailing him back would be easy and what really have I got to lose by changing the dance a little...
