So how are you doing Julia? I posted a link on the alt universe if you want to see my car. It is so much shiner and prettier in reality. I hope the positives vibes keep coming.
You are sounding good. Are you ready for the concert? Have a wonderful time.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks for your comments on my thread, really useful.
Your email from H there’s loads of positives, I would be pleased to receive something that long I normally get a simple OK/no.
Right one by one, the concert, go anyway, enjoy it and don’t look for him (difficult though it may be). Cat, reply in the positive I think even if it feels odd to you, but a simple ‘great that you’re getting a cat, what type?’ sort of thing, asking some sort of question may invoke a response. Take the router, I think it means that he’s thinking of you in some small way even if it is a cast off.
I agree with One Day now’s the time to keep communication open, if a friend where to say they were getting a cat would you be bothered or pleased for them? I appreciate that it’s not easy, sometimes you just want to spit don’t you?
I appreciate that it’s not easy, sometimes you just want to spit don’t you?
More like puke lol
The concert was ace last night. I made a conscious effort not to look for h although I think I spied him by accident - damn! I was also hiding from the Stewards there as I didn't really fancy a conversation but I got spied buy a really lovely lady who I used to know well and we talked. I thought I got away with the whole h thing and then she said at the end 'what's your other half up to these days'. I just said 'oh he's working at...'. I never really know what to say, I just can't quite yet seem to say we aren't together anymore.
The music was very rousing and they used the organ which is just colossal and you really feel it in the chest when it is played.
I hadn't replied to the email at that point as I was still thinking it over and h sent me a text at the interval asking if I received his email. Honestly, he sometimes takes ages to answer mine yet if I don't he always chases me. Cheek! Anyway, I've answered him now. But nice that at least I crossed his mind, hah and he texted me when he was out with ow!
It was so lovely not to have to worry about getting home and just enjoy the concert. Yay, for London Transport even if there were a load of weirdos on the bus last night!
It's the weirdos that make the journey, bit like M lol.
Well done for going to the concert, sounds good. I hate telling people we've s too - it's like an omission of failure. Think that part of the reason we what our H back, so that we haven't failed?
Wonder if OW knows he's texting you when he's with her? Ha
This recent emailed response from h has caused me to think a lot about what I want. I realised that emailing him back would not bring me any closer to my goal of us spending time together as email communication is very safe and easy for him. It means we keep in touch without face-to-face contact so I want to make email communication less satisfying to him. If I make it easy all the time for him he doesn't have to work.
So I thought I'd try something different. It's a little scary as I'm not sure what will happen but at the same time I feel the time is right now that the house is gone to try and change the dynamic a little.
Normal scenario We communicate via email or I instigate an invitation or communication and he says yes but it doesn't materialise and turns into an issue (which reinforces his perceived perception that I am a hassle). He doesn't make time for me for whatever reason and comes back with apologies and excuses about being busy. I hate that busy word!!! Usually I just say ok, no problem and engage in whatever he crumbs he throws at me and it continues.
The problem It stops him forging a connection that gets stronger every time we see each other. I can see when we meet that he works hard to keep this connection subdued and I feel this email is another form of suppression. Email communication is very comfortable for him.
What I did I didn't reply to the email, the text gave me the perfect excuse to be brief. I texted back saying 'Hiya, sorry yes. I would love the router, it'd be really appreciated. Give me a call about how we can arrange it. Have a great weekend.'
So we shall see... waiting and seeing is the hardest part. I gave it a lot of thought but emailing him back would be easy and what really have I got to lose by changing the dance a little...
