WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

This really sucks

I gave my boys a netbook with monitor software on it and I just found out with the software that she has been cheating on me since before Nov last year

What to do?!?!?

I'm 200 miles away at work and I want to drive back and just grab the kids

I am mad and I am done!

[MrBond]

Okay, calm down.

What happened? How did you find out and what do you know?

[confusedinpa]

I got her sercret email account and password

Here was the oldest email I found. The last one from him was July 18th. Not sure if something happened but she started on match 2 weeks later

From: C J ([e-mail])
To: Ms ____
Date: Saturday, November 8, 2008 8:01:01 AM
Subject: Re: today


___.....
hi darling
first, i can't find all the words that i could possibly use to describe how i felt today
so, that said, a few that come to mind are incredible, wonderful, fun, and - because of you - special....

friday was so fantastic and i mean that
being with you, seeing you happy, seeing you glow; talking to you, silence with you, laughing with you, touching you, holding you and kissing you are what made our day so fantastic.....being able to spend that quality time was just what i - and i think you too - needed.

you are a fantastic person jen.....oh jen you are so adorable; so cute, so intelligent, so vibrant, so sexy.......so hot.
i have said it before and shall say it again; you are a total woman and i am the luckiest guy in the world to know you.....

and then, with it all, we have that "thing"...............and oh boy with each and every moment it seems to grow and seems to continue to show itself and continue to confirm to us that it exists....and that it seems to be very real......that "thing"

I continue to be amazed by you; each time i learn more that makes you so wonderful....
like our time in the "dark place"; wow.....you are fantastic.....and i love what you said to me about that jen....
because, i was not at all thinking the way you were and now i understand and now....i get it......so thank you......

so; i enjoyed every moment of friday.....because of you....
and yes i want to continue to nurture what we have darling.......yes........

i hope you have a good saturday and weekend......
thank you for such a wonderful day friday and , that day was wonderful because of..................

YOU!!!

i LOVE YOU!!
your guy......
me




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Ms _ <[e-mail]>
To: ___ <[e-mail]>
Sent: Friday, November 7, 2008 8:56:03 PM
Subject: today


__...
today was sooo nice....
perfect......just like you!!!
i love that you thought of something so special for us to do
and it turned out to be an absolutely beautful day for it
i know that was a lot of driving for you but i really enjoyed it and appreciate that
it was different than the other time we have spent together i think
and again we seemed to enjoy it all
today we had some really good conversation too
ones that are difficult written or even spoken on the phone
or when we are short on time together
i like that we can be so open with each other
i think that is what allows us to be so very close

and __...
when we "went to the dark place"
that was wonderful for me
i wanted you so badly today
and being close to you in that way was so satisfying
and i hope that you liked it too
(even thought the time and place were not what we would have liked it to be)
and i never want us to think of that or anything we share
as being one sided
you were pleasing me all day
and even at that time
whether you realize it or not
you were pleasing me then too
and i loved ever minute of it
you are absolutely delicious!!!!!
there are many ways to please me __...
and you have covered more than i even knew existed!!!

i love you more now than i did this morning
lets really enjoy what we have together baby
and nurture it
and watch it grow
can we do that sweetie????

good night sweetheart
i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sweet dreams baby
i will think and dream of us much tonight
xo.....YOUR ___

[MrBond]

Whoa. Really sorry for that to happen.

Have you called to confront her?

Now you know why she's been jerking you around so much.

Don't be surprised that if when you do decide to confront her, she's going to blame you for invading her privacy, how dare you, blah blah blah.

Keep all these records and give them to your L.

You'll now be thinking about whether or not you should get full custody of the kids.

If you do plan to confront her, DO NOT do it in a demanding, how dare you kind of way. It is going to be hard as hell. Just say it very matter of factly and that you will be coming by to collect your kids so that she can pursue her A in the open and they are not a burden to her any more.

You can't control how she feels and she is going to fight you tooth and nail about it.

When I found out about my W's A, I kicked her out. She's been pulling your strings for too long my friend. Now is the time to cut them.

[confusedinpa]

I haven't called cause I found out at 1AM

My cousin is going to download electronic backup up of her emails

I sent a copy of what I posted to my lawyer

The strings are blown apart now

[MrBond]

Well at least now you know why she's been acting the way she has.

For what it's worth, I think she's totally going through a MLC. She's got all the classic signs.

There is a website with a download that will help, but at this point, you have only two options. Stay in and stick it out or leave and cut your losses. MLC lasts from a few months to around 5 years.

[confusedinpa]

I think I can not be married to someone who is this disgusting

[Stronger]

Whoa whoa whoa.....
Calm down.
When was the LATEST email?

You NEED TO RELAX.

Let it go for now. And the truth of the matter is, hundreds upon thousands upon thousands of couples survive such crap....and come out stronger on the other end.

My H wrote just about the same thing to his OW and she dumped him like a bad habit. You can forgive this and you will. You would die for your boys, this is much easier than that, right?

When did you two separate?

Again, when was the LASTEST communication between them?

[antlers]

Don't be surprised that if when you do decide to confront her, she's going to blame you for invading her privacy, how dare you, blah blah blah.
Keep all these records and give them to your L.
You'll now be thinking about whether or not you should get full custody of the kids.
If you do plan to confront her, DO NOT do it in a demanding, how dare you kind of way. It is going to be hard as hell. Just say it very matter of factly and that you will be coming by to collect your kids so that she can pursue her A in the open and they are not a burden to her any more.
You can't control how she feels and she is going to fight you tooth and nail about it.

CIPA...man, I'm sorry! It amazes me that cheating spouses are able to justify to themselves that their cheating is OK! It's the meanest, most thoughtless, uncaring thing that one person can do to another...short of murdering them!

Stuck is right. She's gonna be pissed that you 'invaded her privacy'...don't let her go there! The issue here is her cheating on you...it's not about you 'invading her privacy'! Don't let her get you off on that tangent. Stay on track...she's cheating! That's the issue! Period!
Pay particular attention to what Stuck said about not being demeaning when you confront her...he's right! It'll be hard...but don't do it. He has given you good advice here...follow it!
I'll have some good thoughts for you, man. Again, I'm sorry.

[confusedinpa]

There were lots of explicit emails back and forth until 2 weeks ago. She us on match dot com just starting up a conversation with a 51 year old

She is actively out there and has crossed the line. I have had enough. No one is worth being lied to constantly.

The worst part of it is that I don't know how long it has been going on. Especially since my 3 year old doesn't look like me

This is crap