One of the things the DB coach and I talked about was letting H learn stuff the hard way as long as it wasn't going to cause a threat to life and limb.
H had sliced up a squash to put on the grill, along with some onion rounds. I suggested brushing them with a little olive oil and maybe some herbs if he felt like it. He didn't, not sure if he forgot or just ... didn't... but the veggies didn't cook that well. The onions were ok but the squash somehow managed to have burned grill marks on it and yet still be mostly raw.
The old Dia would have 'reminded' him several times about the olive oil, and he would have felt like I thought he was incompetent at grilling. The new Dia suggested it once and then completely let go of the issue. So the veggies could have been cooked better. The earth will not end because of undercooked squash. I heard how it crunched when he bit into it, so I discreetly didn't have any. And you know what? *I* felt better at the end of the meal because if I'd gotten emotionally invested in the whole olive oil thing, I'd have been annoyed that he didn't use any ("he never listens to me!" etc.). Instead of nagging about the olive oil, I complimented him for the great burgers. Better outcome for both parties = Win - Win!
Hmm, do WAS really notice stuff that you *don't* do? I mean, it's real easy to notice that your spouse is washing dishes when they never used to, but isn't it a whole lot easier to miss the absence of a negative behavior than the presence of a positive one?
Also - note to self - if an anniv. present is appropriate, get H the kind of grill tray designed for fish and/or veggies.
Last edited by Dia; 08/09/0907:46 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Geez, I'm a blabbermouth today. I accidentally left my wedding rings at H's house and I'm a little freaked about it. I have this little round, embossed leather box that's about the size of a golf ball. It holds several of my rings, including my wedding rings and H's wedding ring too. I took my rings off and put them in the box when I was making the hamburgers and I put the box high on a kitchen shelf because the baby had gotten it earlier and flung the rings all over.
When I left, I forgot the box, so it's presumably still on the shelf. I have no idea what he'll think if he finds the box and opens it. Nostalgia, longing, rejection, anger - as in maybe I left them on purpose - no clue. It's out of my control, so I'll just have to get the box back when I get back up there.
Last edited by Dia; 08/09/0907:43 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Well, my subconscious decided I needed a leg kicked out from under me.
I took a nap today in the big recliner chair in the LR and I had a series of those dreams that are so real that you think they *are* real sometimes even after you wake up.
I dreamed that H came over to the chair while I was napping, kissed me lightly and told me that he was here now and everything would be ok. I half woke up, smiled and said ILY. He put his arms around me and I held him so tight. I could actually feel him in my arms. I was nearly crying. We kissed softly but deeply. Still barely awake, I asked him how he had gotten here. He said my father had called him and told him to come. His hair was long like it was when we were dating.
There was a whole lot more but it went on in that vein. Complete sucker punch to the gut. Woke up (for real this time) looking around to see if he was really here and feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck.
And now I either have to pack up and go up there tonight, or get up at 4 am and go tomorrow morning. Sigh.
I'll get my head back in the game but day-um, that was hard.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I knew I could count on you to post. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, seeing a post or two in my thread really helps me keep my PMA. I feel less alone, more supported and more hopeful.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I know all about those dreams. Use them to motivate yourself.
Cute banter. Keep it light. Keep shining.
Best of luck on interviews!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
As I was getting ready for the interview - I had to change into interview clothes and do make-up/hair here - H complimented my outfit. Then he indirectly tried to sound me out about my plans for the evening, saying he didn't have any and was 'open'. I was diffident, saying that it depended on what happened in the interview, plus there was a movie I wanted to see.
Am I seeing that movie?? (Julie & Julia)
I'm concerned about rejecting him so much that he gives up, esp. since the handling of rejection was such an issue for both of us before the split.
Last edited by Dia; 08/10/0906:04 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
