Finally caught up with ur sitch. Like others have said H has to want to take action and at this point there are no indicators to suggest he will take the much needed action.
I think the three guidelines you set intially are really positive for you and your s. I'd stick with those. I think I'd be attempting to get the legal side of things sorted as well. His reluctance, whether it's because of the marriage ending or the financial ramifications may just be the point that assists him to find the help he needs.
This is a challenging position for you and I can only applaud your calm restraint and positive thinking.
