Honestly, I really AM happy. Finally. Not as happy as I would be if this were all resolved, but I have made changes in myself that I am happy about. I really am serene about pretty much everything else in my life. I am very blessed and this is in God's hands and in His time frame. Not mine!
I have stopped trying to convince him because we really were not in a happy marriage. We COULD be, but I'm scared that even though he says he won't go back to the old relationship, he might not be really willing to make the changes necessary. I know that I can make a big impact all by myself, and I have before. But all those worries will work themselves out in time. I don't need to worry about them now. I just need to stay patient.
I did take my kids to the fair and he came down to help my son with his activity. Lots of mutual friends were there and I think it freaked him out to be in public with me. I do look happy and I think some of his friends assumed we were working things out - in fact one asked him (he told me) and he said no. Our kids also got emotional when it was time for me to leave and he accused me of stirring up drama. He got very angry... major setback.
I tried not to react though, and tried to stay patient. Strangely again, he called the next day and asked if I had a good time last night. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just told him that I felt that it was a little too intense for him and I apologized for putting him in that position. He seemed surprised by that. He told me that he was going to back off with the OW and try to figure things out by himself (but I have heard that before.) I told him that there are a lot of people who care about him and want to help him through this. (I really think he is in a MLC.) He just needs to let them. Then I said goodbye.
Haven't talked to him since yesterday morning. Will probably see him at least briefly when he drops the kids at home this evening. I told him that I had a few plans for this week and offered to let him have the kids during that time. Didn't tell him what they were, although they are pretty boring. Yay for mystery!
