Yesterday wasn't to bad, I guess. The pickup went about as planned, and the drop off wasn't to bad either. Not as short as Id like, about 30 minutes or so. My D is starting to really feel the effects of this. She is becoming more and more emotional, and this isn't really like her. She cried numerous times through her and my visitation. Then she cried in my arms for nearly 15 minutes as they were going to leave. She told me she has to take pepto every night now cause her tummy always hurts. She didn't even want to play mini golf yesterday, said her tummy just didn't feel good enough, and she'd rather just sit close to me. Her and I are so close...This is killing me!
The only thing I really picked up on during my and the W's conversation, is that shes either: A. All of a sudden shes really detached from me. B. Shes really trying to convince me that she is. C. Or she's really trying to convince herself... She brought me some clothes... just random stuff, nothing Ive asked for, and my mail. She was friendly, but made comments like whats happened in the past is over and and I'm ok with it, to be honest she was kinda laying it down thick. So much in fact I didn't really feel too threatened by it. Now I'm not saying she's not detached, maybe since last weekend she found her own magic pill to end it all, but somehow I doubt it. Unless Ive been fooled this whole time and now I'm seeing the true side? I still doubt it. One other thing, I asked her where she had planned on taking our D to when they left there(because the W had already told us she had a surprise for the D) and she told me it was some little place where you could go and listen to live country music, and I thought that was cool and asked here where, and she told me it was none of my business... and smiled cocky like at me. This kinda pissed me off, but I didn't break, I stayed very calm(180 for me before I would've jumped on that) I just told her I wasn't trying to get in her business, and that I'm sorry she felt that way. Then I asked her why she thought I was being nosy, if the W's friends or mom had asked would they had been nosy too? She seemed to enjoy not telling me... I remember thinking to myself, oh yeah how 3rd grade is this crap? But I stayed cool, and changed the subject. What was that? A test? Just a power trip?
I think her detached "act" stems more from the fact that she had some text messaging with me earlier in the day telling me she was gonna pick up our D where I was staying, and take her to a surprise place(The country music place). Well I told her that was breaking the RO rules(because we are to drop off and pick up in a designated place... shes been saying we cant ever break the RO rules, although we communicate which is breaking them...so whatever) Anyway, once I told her that, she said she would cancel their plans. Honestly that hurt my feelings for my D because she already told me that all her mommy does is work on the computer, and never does anything with her... So I tried to convince the W to go ahead and come get get and they could enjoy each other. I was very tactful and everything, but I guess I should have left it alone. I think I bothered her enough to build up defense for our drop off. By the way, I know she knew it was breaking the rules, she wouldn't let me change the place of pick up/drop off before, I believe she was hoping I wouldn't say anything, and when I did, she didn't want to "owe" me any favors for breaking the rules herself... just my opinion, but I'm sure it carries some weight.
When I saw her I think the positives were this, she did ask me to fix the radio in her car... I did She smelled real good, the D and I both commented on this, it was her shampoo, she actually handed me her ponytail to sniff it(I wanted to hold her so bad) She also kept texting with me through the long conversation of me trying to get her to come get the D and have fun(although by the end I could tell she was pulling back) and another thing that may be nothing... is that she took off her sun glasses, and let me see her eyes, she usually keeps them on and stares forward in the car... this time she looked at me, like a normal person would. I know when my D got upset and started crying, W got into the focus forward mode again. I know it was hard on the W to see our D like this, because this was only the 2nd time she had broke down in front of her mom... but no emotion from the W, I saw her change into that hard woman who feels no pain. At least that tells me she wasn't like that from the beginning of the visit. I cheered up the D, and sent them on their way, again with smiles and waves from the W as if we were great palls. so that's my day...
