K4D Rising #4

[The Wifey]

Kevin,

Take a good, long look in the mirror and then forgive yourself, Kevin. That DOES NOT mean that you excuse the drinking or what you said or how you reacted in kind to her anger. Forgive yourself and begin again. The best part of sinking to your lowest level is that you have nowhere else to go, but up.

You have internet access; go online and get a list of AA meetings. I know for a fact that they are held every day in various locations. Do it now and go to the next available meeting. If you aren't comfortable then you go to the next one on your list.

You have to take responsibility here, Kev. Noone did this to you. You did this to you.

People do what works, Kevin. Wether you acknowledge it right now or not, people continue actions because they come with a payoff. It sounds sick in many cases, and I'm sure you can't possible comprehend that you got a payoff for any of last night's behavior.

You drank to relieve yourself of pain, and maybe to give you a little more courage to confront your w. It feels good to get that little buzz, and the other things were a bonus.

And, as awful as what you said to her was, you got to strike back at her. You got to tell her "what for." You got to tell her that heck no was she getting that car. You got to express your opinion and make her hurt the way you hurt.

Ok. All done. Start fresh and do it this minute.

It is worth getting up and starting fresh. Use the humiliated feeling to motivate yourself. Not because she will stop the D or come back to you Kev, but because nobody in the world should sink this low or feel this bad.

Do not "use" your faith Kevin; live it. Jesus forgives each and every one of us. We as humans have free will. He doesn't want you to drink, or fight with your W, or see you do anything bad, but he gave you free will. He wants to help, but you have to choose to get the help.

It is now, at your lowest, that he is the strongest. You have to get up and do this again.

You do know that your W and you are at Square 1 again. I can understand the anguish you feel. You burned yourself on the hot stove willing, Kevin. You have to stop touching the hot stove. Your scars will heal, even from this pain.