One of the things the DB coach and I talked about was letting H learn stuff the hard way as long as it wasn't going to cause a threat to life and limb.
H had sliced up a squash to put on the grill, along with some onion rounds. I suggested brushing them with a little olive oil and maybe some herbs if he felt like it. He didn't, not sure if he forgot or just ... didn't... but the veggies didn't cook that well. The onions were ok but the squash somehow managed to have burned grill marks on it and yet still be mostly raw.
The old Dia would have 'reminded' him several times about the olive oil, and he would have felt like I thought he was incompetent at grilling. The new Dia suggested it once and then completely let go of the issue. So the veggies could have been cooked better. The earth will not end because of undercooked squash. I heard how it crunched when he bit into it, so I discreetly didn't have any. And you know what? *I* felt better at the end of the meal because if I'd gotten emotionally invested in the whole olive oil thing, I'd have been annoyed that he didn't use any ("he never listens to me!" etc.). Instead of nagging about the olive oil, I complimented him for the great burgers. Better outcome for both parties = Win - Win!
Hmm, do WAS really notice stuff that you *don't* do? I mean, it's real easy to notice that your spouse is washing dishes when they never used to, but isn't it a whole lot easier to miss the absence of a negative behavior than the presence of a positive one?
Also - note to self - if an anniv. present is appropriate, get H the kind of grill tray designed for fish and/or veggies.
Last edited by Dia; 08/09/0907:46 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
