This is not about an "I told you so moment". However, now maybe you will see in a very clear fashion why we have all been on you back for months to get your arse into AA or some real solution based counseling. You didnt do either because that would have meant some hard and painful work. Instead, you chose to turn to religion (fine but you needed additional tools that prayer alone could not offer you) because prayer does not require the work that counseling/AA does.
I dont know what else it will take you to see your patterns. You blow it because you are not detached and not getting the help you need to be able to handle and manage your emotions on a day to day basis or in the heat of a challenging situation. You do not have the tools to release the control you try and have over your W. And you dont have the tools to NOT let your W fill your headspace on a constant basis.
This all leads to you *trying* to do damage control which as you might finally realize, only makes things worse.
For weeks we have heard you say that you are standing for your marriage an as a husband it is your covenant duty to be there for your W. You have said that to a point where it is now preachy. Yet, in 24 hours you totally invalidated her choices about a vehicle she is planning to purchase (which is safe, reliable and in her budget), tried to control what she would purchase by giving her "advise" and then called her a money grubbing whore in the heat of an argument while you were drunk.
You didnt relapse on your faith. You were unable to stay true to your faith because you lack the other tools (counseling, AA) that faith can enhance. Faith is an amazing part of life and in some form we all *need* faith but, as LBS, we also *need* some form of counseling that will help us find solutions to our problems and flaws. We *need* guidance on how to rebuild ourselves as indviduals (or co-parents in some cases) and how to detach in a healthy and loving manner. We *need* direction on how to communicate to a WAS that hurt us deeply in a way that will not cause more damage. And we *need* the insight that sometimes only counseling can provide of what our roll, as the LBS, played in the demise of the marriage.
Faith cant give you any of those things. What faith can give you is the strength and courage to pursue the really hard things (counseling, AA, group support of some kind). I hope that clicks for you now.
You took the easy way out and now you are kicking yourself. This might just be the greatest lessson of your life - the easy way out is not the *best* way out. And yes, its a *very* painful lesson to learn but until you really embrace the concept nothing will change.
At this point there is NOTHING you can do but leave your W alone. Apologize in a true and simple fashion for the names you called her and participating in the argument you had. Make no excuses and offer no explanations other than you are sorry for acting in such a disrespectful and vindictive manner. Then end the conversation. Period.
If you dont get into AA or counseling or BOTH this week then you really havent learned a damn thing about the painful weekend you have just experienced.
Accept it, Kevin. You most probably will get served this week and your marriage will legally over. Its been emotionally over for a very long time. It hurts. It stings and it feels like hell. Now is your time to fix yourself and rebuild YOUR life for YOU and your children. Stop turning your back on the opportunities you have and bow out of because they are hard.
You are 34 years old, its time to become a man. Are you ready? Do you want that?
My H has said some nasty things to me over the past 19 months but he has never and would NEVER call me a whore. I am shocked you would call your W that seeing how you proclaim your love for her on a hourly basis. Did your daughters hear that? How would you feel if a man called one of your little girls a whore? Dont use that word again no matter how angry you are. Its foul and disgusting.
