K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

I relapsed last night. I am so ashamed to even admit it. Yall were right. I have been in tears this morning. I'm going back to AA and going through the full program.

My W hates me and she is with someone else again. She thinks what I said was me just being mean. She doesn't know that I relapsed and I don't know whether to tell her or not because I don't want her thinking it was me just being mean. But I don't know which would look worse.

I tried telling her this morning I am extremely sorry and I really do love her and I let things get control of me last night when we started fighting. She said I couldn't love her with the things I said.

I don't know what to tell her. I am so afraid of whether to tell her the truth or not. It wasn't me talking last night.

I totally screwed up and don't know what to do now. How can she ever respect me again or know that I do really love her?

I am completely torn apart today. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have made such poor choices? What has my life come to? It just doesn't feel like it is worth living anymore. What have I done?

Kevin