I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Hi Everyone!

June, thanks so much for stopping by!! I agree with you about getting over things ASAP but I also agree with SD about not wallowing and making the choice not to GAL instead. I think its important though to strike a balance between the two - allow myself to feel the pain, even though it may take months or years, yet not letting that pain control my life. I get highs and lows every single day. But I think the important thing is that I am aware of my lows and I try very, very hard to bring myself back up. Now I may not be very good at it, but each time I try, it gets just a bit easier and thats progress for me. Slowly, but surely.

Jeff and Mac - Trust me, I'm not going to eff this one up! I have made far too many mistakes in terms of contacting him and what I should be saying so this time, I'm taking all of your advice because I know you guys are right. I won't think about him anymore than I already have. I'm thinking about me now. ME ME ME! Selfish B!

journaling..
So I just got back from the market, I am so beat! But I won't take a nap because I have learned from the last 2 times that I feel very depressed when I wake up after naps. So I'm learning from my mistakes. No nap today! Just off to bed earlier tonight. Haven't emailed H. Won't email H. Had highs and lows while I was at the market. I actually cried when I was in the car on the way there. I don't know why. A just got a sudden wave of overwhelming sadness and I couldn't hold it in. I only cried for like 2 minutes though and forced myself to stop after that. I had very little energy so when I arrived, I was dreading setting everything up but once I got into it, my energy levels spiked and I was good to go. It was good to be out and talk to people but I still got the occasional sadness wave but faked being happy so people would buy my stuff! Muahahaha!

The highlight of my day.. a guy came up to me and said "you are absolutely gorgeous! I just wanted to tell you that.." and he walked away. How sweet! So all in all, it was a good morning. The weather wasnt great but there were still loads of people. I made about $200, not the $300 I was aiming for but still great!! Especially since what I sold was junk that I didn't want.

Later on my BF called me to check up on me because I called her crying yesterday when all those emails came from H and she wasn't around so she wanted to see how I was doing which was really nice. We may go out later if she can head here from the city. Would be nice to see her again.

I rewarded myself with an iced coffee today! It may not seem like much but these days, its an absolute luxury. That's how tight money is for me right now. And I'm addicted to coffee so you can imagine how hard it is for me not to drink it. I also stay away since H left because I didn't want to be awake in the middle of the night and feel really lonely. But since I only got 2 hours of sleep, I'm thinking this iced coffee would have minimal effects.

Later on I have to pack up more ebay items to be sent out tomorrow..and I have decided that I need to return the new bike I just bought I need the money more. I bought it because I didn't think I would be moving into the city anytime soon since no one wanted to cosign for me and now that I am, I could use the money more than the bike. I'll get it again soon. It'll be a gift to myself when I reach my first weight loss goal!