Yes you can! You have done such a great job describing your thoughts and feelings in your posts. When you feel yourself loosing resolve just read them over to remind yourself that you deserve better.
Just wanted to stop by and let you know I think you are doing GREAT. You are on the right track and the next time you doubt yourself, read your thread. Stay strong, you can do it!
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I can't tell you how much I admire you for forging ahead to put things right in your life. Don't let your h tear you down or make you doubt yourself ever again. You are the strong one and you know it.
I am glad to hear that you had those type of revelations. I see it as you coming face to face with the hard truth and you have risen above those truths already by setting your bounderies.
Doubt and guilt are two of the easiest emotions that make us lose our focus on what is best for ourselves. I agree with what everyone is saying, when you lose your focus, reread your posts.
I would like to ask why you are waiting to delete the posts for the internet? Is there a reason for waiting? How was your IC today? What happen there?
Stay strong, girl. We are here for you anytime. I wish I could give my personal info to you so you could call anytime to chat and vent. I am thinking of you.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Yesterday was bomb day around here- didn't go quite as planned.
Part 1- I deleted my pics and bio off the joint profiles, and I told H to do whatever he wanted with his portion, I didn't touch his. He indicated that he was going to cancel the profiles since there isn't much point if I'm not participating. I looked this morning- the profiles are still there, he removed his portion and replaced all the text with "Currently on a break from the lifestyle". Does he really think I'm going to resume? He is in serious denial if he does. (I haven't called him out on it yet- keep reading and you'll see why) His single male profile is still intact. He bemoaned the fact that without me, his chances for action plummet- guys just do not do well at the clubs if they come without a female partner. It's not a new complaint of his, and it confirms my status as "bait"...
Part 2- H asked if I was making plans to leave, he was picking up on those kind of vibes. I confirmed that I was, and he asked questions which I answered honestly- that I was approved and they were waiting on a security deposit, which apartment complex, the rent cost, etc. I also told him there was no way I could work on this relationship without the help of a neutral, 3rd party counselor. He agreed to go if that was one of my conditions, and it is, so he's going- his only condition is that it's not at the same practice as my IC. OK, that's fine... Next question was do I stay here or leave while we work on the marriage. I decided to stay put an extra month or two to give the MC a chance. We both had mixed feelings about separating- he felt the same way, that we may both be happier apart, but we should make a last effort to salvage 20 years of marriage. I pointed out that we still could work on it if I was out of the house, but H thought that it would be easier if I stayed while we did because if we can work it out, it means avoiding trauma to the kids, answers to the rest of the family, etc. I agreed and notified the apartment manager to put my application on hold, I'm not canceling it because I may still need it later.
So current status- I'm calling a MC first thing tomorrow and getting an appointment as soon as possible. I'll see how it goes after a couple of sessions, and rethink my living arrangements at that time.
SB, do you have any friends you could stay with for a while. Save yourself from signing a contract, in case you can work it out, but still getting away to see if it is what you need. Just a thought.
(((bunny))) Only you know what is happening in your sitch. And your IC, I suppose. It sounds like things didn't go too badly telling H. However...please, please be careful. After you call MC tomorrow, be sure to call your IC and give an update. And Shocked One gives good advice, have a place to go ready if you decide staying isn't such a good idea. I've always thought as I read your updates that you should have a suitcase stashed somewhere, just in case. Most of all Bunny, know that there are many who care about you and want only the best. Peace. Goldey
