Saw your post on my thread and thought I should post my response here.
Quote:
"The reason I believe your W staying under the same roof as you is important is b/c it is much easier for her to see your changes if she is around every day. That can still be done if she moves out, but it is more difficult."
How the heck do I manage this? Been apart 9 weeks now. Seen her perhaps 5 times to discuss money (great). Nothing except a text blast two weeks ago.
I hope this does not discourage you. That certainly wasn't my intention in writing that.
I was relying on another post I read several months ago that someone had written in the context of the LBS deciding whether to move out of the house or not.
I cannot speak from experience, since I am still under the same roof as my W and kids. I am thankful for that, but it does have other issues from a couple who have moved to different addresses.
Anyway, I would suspect that it may take longer to "get through" to the WAS when the WAS is living apart from the LBS. But, keep in mind, (1) it is still possible to reach the WAS and (2) that is NOT the goal here. The goal is to change you into a strong, confident and great person. From your posts, I can see you are strong, confident and a good person. We all have our down times, but we CAN recognize them (and even expect them), deal with it, then get back to work.
Despite living in separate locations, you will still have opportunities to show your W the new you. It may be in person or through text messages/emails, or even through word reaching her through your mutual friends (Wow, Mac is doing great, he's happy, outgoing and really seems to have his life in order). Word WILL get back to her. Make those words count.
Also, keep working on detachment. I am really happy where I am right now. I can look at my W and I don't feel sadness or foreboding should she push for D. I am beginning to appreciate that there are MANY, MANY beautiful, wonderful, nice women out there who are used to the dating scene of the typical self absorbed misguided man. That's not me, so I know happiness is out there, and I get my choice of the flavor should W decide the grass is greener (it isn't).
Detachment will not eliminate your occasional down days. But, it will get you to a plcae where you are not wasting energy on worrying about what W will/won't do. The byproduct is confidence and self respect like you haven't felt since everything in your world blew up. And those qualities are attractive.
Keep your head up, keep working on YOU, and detach, detach, detach. You CAN do this!
