Big fight yesterday I got out of the vehicle and left her and the kids as I proceeded to walk home 50km.Made it 25 blisters all over my feet, got a ride with a friend. Told her I didn't want to live anymore feeling this pain. Big mistake, big surprise. Going to walk in clinic this morning to get some antidepressants.
e 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in separate beds/with intimacy "I,m done" her words: 05/28/09 She's trying again 06/25/09 Second "I'm done" 07/11/09
Hopeful, not in anger just in hopelessness, and no it's not at all what I want. She reacted very well to the fact that I went to the clinic and actually got something for my depression.
I guess my plan is to give the meds a couple of weeks to kick in and see what happens. In the meantime I will try to give as much consistentcy as possible. I know because she's told me many a time that my lack of being consistent is one of the biggest hurdles to her coming back around.
I seem to have a very hard time with the lows not affecting my behavior and hopefully these meds will help me with that particular area of myself. God knows trying for five months on my own hasn't worked
e 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in separate beds/with intimacy "I,m done" her words: 05/28/09 She's trying again 06/25/09 Second "I'm done" 07/11/09
Two weeks to go till retro, at this point I am hating my wife alot. Just spent two week holiday from hell, four days at her Mothers house being completely disrespected by every member of her family. Then I took the kids for a week by myself, then she added two extra days onto the end of her "Me" time to which I had to explain to the kids twice why Mommy isn't coming home, 5 and three year olds do not understand this very well.
Then she has the nerve to tell me that I am the one being selfish! Not even sure I can make it to the Retro weekend and am wondering if I even want to.
How do I find the strength to go on?
e 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in separate beds/with intimacy "I,m done" her words: 05/28/09 She's trying again 06/25/09 Second "I'm done" 07/11/09
That's great that you will be doing Retrouvaille. You need to just get along until then. Things will be better once you get through the weekend. Just have some trust and hold on. You are getting close to your goal.
Sara, I do appreciate the the words it's just that we are now arguing about everything and I mean everything. She's about 4 hrs away right now and I just know it will be more fighting. And as far as my goal goes...I hate her Sara, to see it here on the screen brings tears to my eyes, tears I thought were all but gone, there have been so many. Hate her for what she's done to this family.
