I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[SDFoundGirl]

The one thing that has bothered me about the DB site is the advice given on "getting over things ASAP". I, personally, think it is normal to really wallow in misery for a while and slowly come to terms with things. I don't think people can 1-2-3 get back on their horse and pull themselves together. Everyone has their own timeline to getting over a rough patch.

There is a difference between still feeling the sitch, crying for a bit and venting AND spending all day at this level of upset.

I'm going to use writing as an example here, as I think it applies. A couple of years ago, one of my students announced he had writer's block, and he sat there staring into space looking pained, pen in hand, writing nothing.

He began to tell everyone about his writer's block. As a class, they started to write little stories about B's writer's block. And meanwhile, B wrote nothing.

I finally looked at him and told him to write anyway, that he was stroking this writer's block like it was some sort of precious little pet..."Aw, writer's block, my precious precious writer's block." The only way to get through writer's block is to write, even if you don't feel like it and you're just going through the motions. The more you focus on the writer's block, the more you're going to have writer's block.

The same thing goes with the misery that accompanies these situations. Sure, if I give myself over to wailing and sulking and moping, no one would begrudge me that. But how does that help me move past it? Sitting and ruminating on how unfair and cr@ppy it all is will only make me feel more that way.

That's why GAL is so important. At first it feels hollow, like you'd just like to crawl into bed and die. You might even find yourself tearing up while you're out. And yet...

Slowly you find yourself smiling, laughing, even enjoying your life. It's why I look back at that time and think of it fondly--I had a whole lot of fun once I let go of the notion that I could control anything my H chose to do, and my best bet was to make myself happy. So H didn't want me; HE was going to lose out on an incredible person. I couldn't control it anyway, and it wasn't about ME. It was about him, and he was so Phantom of the Opera gloomy that I really didn't want to be with him until he figured out how to make himself happy....he was under the impression that was someone else's responsibility.

So no one here is encouraging you to get over it immediately. Rather, we are encouraging you to take ACTIONS which will HELP you get over it sooner rather than later.

But if feeling like cr@p and beating yourself up is fun for you, knock yourself out. We're just saying there IS a choice.

Make sense?

SD