Just reading this - especially the last part has me in tears. Me a grown man.
Okay - coffee in hand - feet up (sort of).
I think you do have an idea how it feels for me to have someone notice this poor thread of mine, to have someone who's been through this and come out a stronger better person comment on the cr@p in mine. Your reply has put me in tears. But they've been building all day so don't blame yourself. Something about my W getting a job has done that.
On the one hand I'm so very very happy for her. As I said, it's got to have made a big difference in her self-esteem. On the other hand I find myself scared that she has found this job because what am I for then?
Scraps of info - just what they are. I'm no longer "in-the-loop" as I was when we were together.
DB'ing - trying my level best by picking up all sorts of other "scraps" here on the board. I really do need to sit, drink coffee and read the books which are still in the system somewhere.
"The one we love more than anyone" oh boy! I can accept this but it hurts.
What's my W feeling? You're correct in stating that I can't possibly know. She won't speak to me or anyone else about it (I suspect the "friend" gets it all). However I have a strong suspicion she thinks I'm lower than dog dirt. I've done absolutely nothing to help her in any way. This despite the threats of court and pleas tugging at my heartstrings. In fact I've removed any form of help - financial or otherwise since the beginning of this month. She's had to make it on her own. And she is getting there. What's my W's feeling? Worse than when she left.
Just realized that you are right about my level of DB knowledge. It actually sucks.
What I want to do is revert back to the crying and throwing myself on her mercy. But I won't.
I've not felt like this for many weeks - then bam. There she blows.
What would I say to my W? ?
I know what I'd like to do though.
Take her in my arms. Hold her very very close and whisper in her ear "Everything will be just fine".
The crazy thing about all this is that my W doesn't have any problems accepting hugs and returning them. But that's where it stops. No continuity. No "staggering" off into the future together.
Wifey, I find I'm not very good at this DB'ing after all. It's fine being up-beat, acting "as if", doing the 180's and all the rest. People have seen the difference. It's just the feeling of essentially being told "if it comes right it comes right" and if it doesn't..... big deal.
Thats not where I am right now. I've (make that we've) proven in the past to friends who thought I was an idiot to a preacher who eventually told me to get on with my life and forget her.
Not going to happen. This is far to early in this situation. 9 weeks is a drop in the ocean.
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE is saying - wait, give it time. They are all so certain that she'll pull through. And this sorry part of our lives will mend - together.
Why can't I just accept this? What do they see that I cannot?
As I said, to my undying shame, she's done this twice in the past. Running from things that had overtaken her. Not just me. Circumstances. Situations. The difference this time is she pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger before she left leaving me in no doubt that in her mind - this time I was to blame for everything.
The difference this time is that I'm not initiating any form of contact. Not pursuing. Not doing anything that she can see or read or hear or touch or smell or.... this hurts more than I can stand. Not knowing what will hurt her, drive her away further.
And I think that's what you guys are trying to get across to me. Time only matters because there's lots of it. Not counting the minutes that have pasted by.
I find I need a plan of action. More than I've been doing. Some direction. The brain is beginning to spin up again.
So want to just send a short text..
"So very proud of you W. If you want to talk I'm here for you"
And you know what the advice will be?
"She already knows it" so don't do it. AAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrggggggggg.
