cat: I've spent the last few days thinking about your post, trying to get my head back in that place. Was feeling a lot of frustration towards H. For some reason, when I spend long periods of time away from H, I come back needing to keep my my distance from him. So I did. No phone calls, no contact. Then the weekend comes along and he calls - chats with me for longer than usual. He's more open and softer - and immediately, I turn to mush! I finally get my head back around the idea that it's ok to love him unconditionally and realize this: that my heart has been there all along.
Also makes me realize that the reason why I can't function when I see him again is not because I don't want to be with him - it's because of the exact opposite.
forward: H said that to me right after bomb when I asked (not begged or pleaded!) him to come home. Said that I wouldn't like who he was. At the time, my response was that was for me to decide. But I think he was absolutely right - I would not have liked that him at all. I know that I've posted in the past that I did not like who he was and didn't want to be with that person. I'm not sure who is today, but hope that I'll slowly get to find out. (And hopefully like him.) There's nothing about me for him not to like. Hahaha.
(Actually - I used to be very jealous. Not sure if I've changed enough and grown confident enough to not be anymore, especially that his circle of friends has grown and now includes a bevy of young party girls.)
OC: Heard you have bad weather. How are you and how are things with H? As you can see - I keep returning to the same place! Running in circles...but at least still moving, I guess.
