Well, I've been doing OK, but have been finding myself wanting to talk to H about our R. Since I have decided to go ahead and get the D, and we have been getting along and working together, I often feel like I would just like to talk with him about all that's happened! I sorta feel like now he has no reason to clam up or lie. I am not chasing him. I would just really welcome the opportunity to clear the air so to speak.
But, I know that would be a mistake, and he would see it as chasing. And I don't want to damage the good footing we are on now.
As it stands now, for reasons I won't go into here, we will do a legal seperation for 6 months then convert it to a D. I'm thinking that maybe, if I still keep feeling this desire for a discussion, maybe I will approach him about it during that time....... I don't know.......
Well, I'm off to dance lessons!
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 08/06/0902:16 AM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Hey S, Sorry I missed your call. I was at a friend's house and got in kind of late.
Listen, I am not sure what purpose it would serve to have that conversation with your h. He is with someone now and you are getting divorced. I am not sure what different answers you expect to get.
I worry that it will not go the way you hope and some things might be said to hurt your feelings.
It is what it is right now. I think it best for you to continue moving forward, not live in the past, ya know?
Yea, I know, BM. That's why I am waiting and seeing if the feeling goes away....... and I will talk more with my C about it to help with what I might want to accomplish with it, and if it is possible, ya know?
These feelings come and go, and I am really doing very well, and I don't want to jeopardize that at all. And it's not that I want to tell him my feelings on the R anymore......I have been quite open about those and I don't feel I have anything left unsaid....... It's more...... I don't know.......
..... and that's why I'm not going to do it (at least not yet).....because I'm not absolutely sure what I want to accomplish. My thought about doing it after the legal seperation but before the D means in about 3-9 months. That gives me time to find out if this feeling will subside, and to plan if I choose to initiate a talk.
I am wondering about just how he plans to live during his Chapter 13. He is living with GF of course, but has talked about dating others and said he has told her he won't marry her (but who knows if that will change). Anyway, his "housing allowance" under the bankruptcy is going toward the house I am living in (remember, the dream house is being allocated to me). If she up and kicks him out, what is he going to do? He has friends to go to, I know, but I'm not thinking they will let him live rent free for 3 years...... I have thought about asking him, but I won't because it's definitely not my business...... but I still wonder! ((((((BM))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Thanks for positing, "forward". Yes, they do seem to fly by the seat of their pants, don't they!
Well, things are still going OK with me. Although I have been thinking a LOT about H and still have a hard time really letting it go, and I get very frustrated over that, I have not and will not backslide on that. I am still really trying to GAL as much as possible.
I need to do better with my exercise and diet. I do the Deep Water Aerobics only once a week now (because it conflicts with my dance classes). I started Night club two-step and West-coast swing classes. But I have actually gained some weight back that I had lost (about 10 of the 50+ I had lost). It's very discouraging! I have an appointment with a naturepath on Monday though, so I'm hoping she can help with some tests regarding my metabolizm, possible food allergies, hormone levels and such.
As you all know, about a month or so ago, I had a psychic reading done. Some of what she said was.....
1. I would be going on a trip within the next 5 months (now 4 months). She saw me walking on a pier looking at the boats. It was a place that reminded her of San Diego, Hawaii, or the coast of Italy. I told her I had no vacation time coming but she said she saw it as an unexpected opportunity that would come and I should take it and have fun.
2. Regarding my health, she heard the words "muscle-toe" and thought that I should take care to protect my lower extremities (shins, calves, feet and toes specifically).
3. She said I would find a new love within a year. She heard the initial "J". Said he has musical talent, a good singing voice and plays acoustic guitar. He has a medium size brown or red dog that he may call "Lady". He has a wonderfuly laugh and sense of play and is a family man who will want to do things with the family and my kids will love him. He also has a truck and a motorcycle. Oh, and she said he had "connections in the east". She said he would feel my life with laughter and music. (Makes for a great fantasy if nothing else!)
So......
A couple of weeks ago I went to a swing dance. I wore some really cute heels and since then my big toes have been bugging the heck out of me. Well, now the toe-nails on my big toes have come off! (I know.....eeewww!! ) It's something called "black toenail" and I guesss runners get this all the time. It comes from pressure, and a blister actually forms and then drains from under the toenail. Again.....eeeewwww! But, then a couple days ago, I remembered what the psychic had told me about "muscle-toe"........yep, I'm hearing the theme from Twighlight Zone in my head.
A couple days ago, I got an "indication of interest" from a gentleman on a dating website. (I had discontinued my subscription but had left my profile up on it). Anyway, this gentleman specifically mentioned in his profile that he likes to walk his dog in the park, plays guitar, and speaks english, german and italian (connections in the east??)......So, I sent him an e-mail reply (no response yet)..... His name started with "R" though......
Last night I went to a local bar with some dance friends to see some professional tango dancers (and had a lesson). It was a lot of fun and I got to dance with several guys. It's embarassing because I am not at all confident with dancing yet, so I'm not very good at it (tango is a dance that you do in a "close embrace" and I was afraid of stepping on toes.....or getting mine stepped on!!.....which with my sore toes would not have been good!!) ....... but it was still fun, and everybody was very nice.
I did sit and talk to one gentleman named Joe, who has just gone through a D after 27 years of M. He is very bitter which is very sad. But, my goodness, that man had muscles on his muscles!!! He was 55 years old but looked about 30!! He does boxing..... a sport I never understood (the goal is to cause your opponent brain damage![i.e. "knock him out"]). But, it was nice talking to Joe and I encouraged him to come back to the dance classes since he has sort of fallen away from it.......yes, he's a "J man", but he doesn't have a dog and doesn't play guitar!
So, I'm "getting out there". There was a time when going into a bar by myself would have been impossible for me. I once was so agoraphobic that I would not go to a drive-thru at a bank with H. I am proud of myself for that...... but I still haven't found my "niche" yet..... I'm actually feeling pretty bored in spite of all my "activity"....
Oh, well...... onward and upward.....
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
So we are looking for a "J" man, with dog and guitar, and can sing?? I'll keep my eyes peeled for ya here in TX!!! How old is he supposed to be? Cuz if he's my age I might keep him for myself. Oh, nah... I'll send him your way... maybe
It's good that you're getting out and having fun. It really helps, doesn't it?
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Well, if he's in Texas, SoCo, then he's probably not the "J" man for me.... remember my views on Texas!
And, yes, it is nice to get out...... but I don't necessarily feel like I'm having much "fun" yet. I often feel like I am floating around and just going through the motions...... I don't want to fall into the trap of getting into a relationship because I don't want to be alone..... but then, it's true that, while I know that I am OK on my own, I really don't feel that I could ever be truly happy alone either...... I don't know if I'm still just depressed or if I'm bored!
This weekend, I have just totally vegged out! Nothing to do....
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
LOL... hey there are some good men here. Okay, I'll sacrifice and keep him!! Man I wish I had nothing to do. I do but I'm slowly getting it done. Kids ready for going back to school, getting me ready, laundry, all the normal stuff. Sports are starting back up full time... the list goes on and on. Most of my time now is being spent trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip or locate a money tree somewhere. lol
OH, don't judge all TX men by GB and my "J". LOL Not a good representation.
Last edited by SoConfused; 08/09/0906:13 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
) It's something called "black toenail" and I guesss runners get this all the time. It comes from pressure, and a blister actually forms and then drains from under the toenail. Again.....eeeewwww! But, then a couple days ago, I remembered what the psychic had told me about "muscle-toe"........yep, I'm hearing the theme from Twighlight Zone in my head.
