Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

well I made it thru the week. It was a rough week for me and am taking the weekend to recover.

I've had a few emails and texts from H. He is so hot and cold that I've stopped trying to figure it out. Last weekend and at the beginning of the week he was really chatty w me, telling me some things about his week and whats going on with him, I responded when I felt like it. After several days of that back and forth he goes all business like with v short emails/texts.

Yesterday I sent a message saying I need the extra keys to my house back before I go away next weekend, when would he be able to get them to me? (I don't want to go away with the worry that he may come into the house while I'm not here.) I dont think he would but I dont trust him either. I don't know why I didn't ask for the keys back a long time ago. He said he is away for the weekend but will get them to me in the week. Just knowing that sets off the thoughts, but I am trying hard to snap out of it and get them out of my head.

I feel like the next thing I need to do is tell him to come get his stuff out of my house. Its been 5/6 months and he hasn't made any effort to get his things eventho he is so sure its over. That is probably just the anger making me want to say that to him. End of the day does it really matter if his stuff is here? Its just stuff. Maybe I just need to act as if its the last thing on my mind (and then make it be) I am too busy w my life to worry about his stuff right?

Ok some venting there. I need to get a game plan together and just stick to it, I do much better w a plan. I find it hard to do the plan part.

More about me, I had a nice chat w a friend last night that cheered me up a bit. I talked to my sister today and her baby will be coming anytime now, she's just waiting to go to the hospital. So maybe today or tomorrow. I am visiting at the end of the week for 2 weeks, but it just doesn't look like its gonna wait for me! I really wish I could tell H the news, but I have to remember that was the old me and the old H, so I didnt.

I haven't been posting as much bc it seems like it just ends up coming out as thoughts of everything going round in my head. I feel like I need to find direction, somehow. Where are all the big signs with arrows pointing me the right way?!? I hope everyone is doing well this weekend.